Faded Memories

Chapter 21

My body was trembling as I shot awake, sweat dripping down me as I attempted to slow the panicked breathing I had been doing in my sleep. I glanced at the clock beside me: 4:07am. Another night of nightmares, another night of having less than 2 hours sleep. I grabbed an oversized cardigan that was thrown on the floor at the side of my bed, wrapping myself up before staring out of the window at the moon that was illuminating the ocean.

I glanced around my bedroom that was flickering from the light of a candle in the corner, one that I had forgotten to blow out before I fell asleep a few hours ago. I stared at the furniture in my bedroom, the furniture that I had since I was a child and I planned on always having in this room. As I trailed my eyes over the rug that was covering the floor, a memory that I had completely forgotten about popped into my head.

I ran over to the rug and rolled the top corner of it back, before slotting my fingers under the floorboard and lifting it up. A shoebox rested underneath my floor, filled with random photographs and newspaper clippings from over the years. I used to store this in my wardrobe at home, but then when I began moving this was the one thing I tried to take with me everywhere I went. When I had first arrived here this summer, I planted it here immediately and haven't thought about it again until now.

I stared at the photographs: of the 5 of us, of just me and my brothers, of my parents. I analysed each one slowly, as if concentrating on it long enough would allow me to go back to that moment, if for even a second. Nobody knew that I kept this box, but everybody wondered why there were holes in some of the family photo albums. I used to come across as not very sentimental, but I've deep down been collecting all of the most special moments of our family for years - especially since Jamie was born, I needed something for him to remember when he grows up.

There were various newspaper clippings or random diary entries that were memorable thrown in here too, I searched through them for my favourite one - one that made my heart want to burst. I stared at Jamie's little face that had been printed in our local paper, his bright smile illuminating my bedroom more than the candle ever could. He had been recognised as the local hero, as when his teacher collapsed in nursery he forced one of the other children to collect another teacher while he rang the emergency services.

I had never been more proud of him, my heart could have honestly burst that day. My parents had always drilled into us how to call the emergency services if we ever needed to, but neither Joe or I had ever had to use them before that day. My little brother was a local hero at age 4. I was already proud of the person he was going to grow to be, and I hadn't even met that person yet.

I was about to close the box and place it back under the floor, when I noticed a photograph that I can't remember having ever put in here. Sick rose in my throat as I stared at the bad memory, before I screwed it up and threw it in the bin. This box wasn't going to be tainted, and it definitely wasn't going to be tainted by a picture of my ex-boyfriend in there. I stared at the box as I placed the lid on it, confused as to how that photo had gotten inside and having never seen it before in there.

I thought I'd burned them all.

I ran for what felt like hours before I eventually got ready for school that morning, not wanting to go back to a land of nightmares if I closed my eyes again but it being too early for me to concentrate on anything without my head spiralling. Was today going to be awkward? Would Georgia even speak to me - did she even know? I wish that Carter had never asked me that question, we were having so much fun together before he ruined everything by bringing my head from the clouds and back into reality.

"Earth to Amelia!" Georgia clicked her fingers across my face, desperately trying to bring me back into the room and back into their conversation about the trip they had just gotten back from. I diverted my attention to the window that overlooked the field, wanting to catch a glimpse of any of the boys but coming up short. Apparently they had some sort of last minute training session, but I knew deep down Carter was just trying to avoid me. "Are you okay? You're acting really strange."