There are many days that I wallow in the 'what if's'.
'What if I had tried harder?'
'What if I had put out?'
'What if he had loved me like I loved him?'
But the 'what ifs' only hold me back,
they hold me back from my future.
Whether or not I could have tried harder or gave a man every part of me;
Whether or not he could even have the emotional capacity to love me how I needed to be loved.
None of that matters.
I can't change the past but I can control my future.
It's like the term 'beating a dead horse.'
My past, like the horse, is dead.
There is no way to make the pain stop being painful.
You have to live through it and move on.
It's time to move.
Leave.
Exit.
Not come back.
Or you will try to return
You will remember the good times because the bad times were pushed away.
They were forced to leave because the good times are what made you stay in the past.
The bad would have changed the outcome.
Now you have to change the outcome on your own.
