pie in the sky // JENLISA

Chapter 8

Since Jennie hit her third trimester, she's been tired and feeling too heavy for sex. It doesn't bother Lisa though. Lisa would just as soon lay in the back of her car holding Jennie, staring out the sunroof talking, sharing whipped cream kisses. Sometimes just talking in the back of Lisa's car, still clothed, is all the grace Jennie needs.

"Tell me a happy memory from when you were little," Jennie says drowsily against Lisa's shoulder.

Jennie's been trying to think of ways to give her baby the childhood it deserves, even if she doesn't feel anything for it. She knows Lisa's parents were at each other's' throats, but there must have been some goodness somewhere. Lisa wouldn't be the person she is if there hadn't been. Maybe she can learn something.

"My father and I used to go to Yellowstone in the summers," Lisa says. "We would hike and swim and ride horses from dawn 'til dusk."

Jennie traces her fingers over Lisa's collarbone, encouraging her to keep talking.

"It was the only time my parents weren't fighting. The first year after they split, I didn't get to go."

"Why?"

Jennie feels Lisa's chest deflate a little. "Custody arguments."

"Did you get to go back?"

"A few more summers, and I've been back without him several times since. There's this open-air restaurant a few miles into the park that serves the best pancakes I've ever had. You sit at picnic tables and stare out at the Grand Teton mountain range and..."

Lisa stops for a moment.

"Do you believe in God, Jennie?"

It's a heavier question than Jennie was expecting. She wants to believe in God, but there is so little grace in her life, so little evidence that life is as abundant and good as any god she wants to believe in would ensure.

"I don't know," she admits.

"Me neither," Lisa says. "But back then, sitting there looking at those mountains on a bright summer morning, I was sure."

Jennie closes her eyes, imagining the brilliant blue of the sky over the mountains, the sun glinting off Lisa's hair, little pats of butter sliding off stacks of pancakes.

"I wish you could take me."

Lisa tilts her chin down into Jennie's head. "Me too."

Sadness settles between them that they'll probably never get to see those mountains together. It's quiet and Jennie just breathes. The only movement is a little nudge in her belly.

She prays that if there is a god, grace will find her before she breaks.

*

Jennie is exhausted on her feet. Everything hurts, her back is screaming, and she swears she can feel her baby's head dropping through her pelvis, threatening to slip out. She has to pee every ten minutes and she can barely keep her eyes open.

She can't believe she has another three weeks of this.

She's working well past the time Lisa advised her to. She needs the money, she'd rather save her sick days for after the baby comes, and most of all, she doesn't want to be home with Josh, who has grown so whiny Jennie feels like her ears are bleeding every time he talks.

She shuffles around the diner, trying to sound upbeat and act as though nothing is wrong when people look at her nervously. She has a few quips for customers who eye her belly without subtlety.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it plans to stay in until you've placed your order."

"If I go into labor while you're dining your meal is free."