Chapter 1 - End of the Rainbow

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"He's only 18! That's too young! Niles wants older... straight-acting muscle guys. A dime-a-dozen twink will stand-out too much," one producer said as he eyed me from behind his clipboard.

"It's perfect. We need variety! The audience will expect it. You cast too many older, gym bitches. Viewers are going to connect to their favorite. If they don't find it, they'll lose interest. He'll be the outlier and attract the guys who want to see themselves amongst the contestants; the underdog." The main producer nodded his head with a knowing smile.

"See themselves in him? He's too small... not muscular enough. His features are too.. pretty, effeminate. And that long hair... I don't know, Jim," the third producer said. 

I noted he had a big beer gut and a stain on his t-shirt, but he was here to judge me. I pulled my shoulder-length hair back into a little bun so it was out of my face. His look of disdain softened when he saw it up.

"He's perfect! They'll remember their high school dreams. Those big, green doe eyes and innocent face, clear skin... good hair, reddish-blond. I know what sells! Kasper will sell. I'm naming him 'episode seven,' maybe eight. He'll hang in there while the bigger guys fight it out. A little haircut and better wardrobe... He's perfect, Michael! We need variety," Jim, the main producer, said to my friend.

"Wait till you see his yoga routine. He's crazy flexible. I already wrote a scene where he goes on a yoga date with Niles. They'll eat it up!" Michael beamed from the corner of the room. 

He had begged me to try out for his first solo production.

It was a struggling, cable network that needed a bachelor knock-off show for gays. Michael had been my oldest brother's friend growing up. When I came out, he kind of adopted me and helped me navigate my family's unease.

This show was supposed to be different, the schtick was that the audience got to vote each week online. They not only voted for which four contestants to protect that week, but they would also vote to inflict punishments (suggested by the producers so it wasn't too sadistic) on the contestants they most hated. 

In order to stay, those contestants would have to endure the punishments. It was a weird concept, and I didn't think it would last, but I needed the money.

I wasn't going to try out, but I'd recently become semi-homeless. 

Oh I had a home and a family. I could go back there at any time so long as I agreed to work for my father's business, start taking classes towards a degree, and tone down my "gayness." I would cut my hair and stay in every night. The thought of fixing sewer lines and sitting in classes just wasn't for me.

It's not that my father was harsh, he'd just run out of patience with my bad choices. I've always been kind of a handful. 

My latest bad choice landed me in the local jail where he happily let me sleep for the night before coming to help. It was a misunderstanding and I got caught up in a drug sweep for being at the wrong party at the wrong time. I didn't even know there were drugs going around.

I didn't have anything on me or in me so the charges were dropped once I got to talk with the district attorney and showed a clean blood/urine sample. When I made it home though, my parents had an ultimatum. 

Things got heated and Michael's couch was open to me. Michael begged me to audition for casting on his new project. He had a shoestring budget and a big dream.

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"So the whole thing is a fake set. There are four reality shows filming at the same time using the same sets, different countries, languages, cultures. Most of our show is ok to be shot at night, so we got the cheap rate on the fancy house," Michael explained as our plane took off from Los Angeles.

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