Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

STOP MY HEART

Chapter: 16

That day had been the first time Taehyung had to think of the company. The first time he'd given up what he wanted and loved the most, to make others satisfied. All his life leading up to that moment-- he could only fool himself into thinking that he existed in his own bubble for so long.

The day he had to let Jeongguk go had been the first time Taehyung learned what the word sacrifice meant. And since then, he'd only gotten more and more intimate with that word, the hollowness in his chest, the knee-jerk reaction he now had when faced with a decision where he had to choose between his comfort, his sanity, and the good of the company.

He lets out a shaky breath, vision burning with unshed tears, and he presses the palms of his hands to his eyes. They hadn't spoken for days since that night, and Taehyung thought he could get over it, but one look at Jeongguk today at the meeting had him spiralling down again. They'd managed to keep things civil, engaging in conversation, enough to fool Hoseok, but Taehyung had slipped out early, unable to take being in the same room as Jeongguk for too long. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Taehyung exhales sharply, walking towards the full wall window of his office, and staring out at the busy Seoul traffic below. Not a day went by when he didn't wonder what would have happened if he hadn't been such a coward. If he'd just been honest. Maybe Jeongguk would have understood. Maybe he would have understood that it had been painfully clear what Taehyung's priorities would have to be. It might not have hurt any less, but at least they would have been able to communicate.

But Jeongguk was right-- Taehyung was a coward. He couldn't tell Jeongguk back then. He couldn't have. How could he? How could he explain? Would Jeongguk understand now? Ten years later?

"You're an idiot," Taehyung whispers to himself. He wonders whether Namjoon would have have approved of a relationship now.

"Do you honestly think he'd fit into this world? If the media got a wind of him, they'd tear him to shreds. He wouldn't last a day in our world."

Taehyung lets out a bitter laugh. Jeon Jeongguk had merged so seamlessly into Korea's high society scene, poised, elegant, charming, intelligent, and no one could touch him. He was powerful by his own right, respected, and carried himself like he belonged among the wealthy, like he'd been born into it.

Jeongguk seemed a better fit into Taehyung's world than Taehyung himself. Especially with what had happened two nights ago, Jeongguk had proved how selfish, how deluded, how twisted he was, and it was a perfect fit for the high society world. Taehyung knew too many people like that. He didn't think Jeongguk could end up being one of those people who Taehyung had grown to despise the most.

In the back of his mind, he knows it's partially his fault. He'd been tactless, cruel, insensitive. Jeongguk had trusted him, and it had been more than Taehyung could bear. But he also knows that he didn't deserve to be treated like this. Ten years was a long time. It should have been enough time for them to think, to cool off, to heal.

Taehyung had accepted his role in hurting Jeongguk, and he was getting his karma, tenfold. He'd locked away his heart, his emotions, for work, for the good of the company. The only person he could ever open up to was Jeongguk. And he had been stupid to think he should bare his heart again, after everything, and expect to get out unscathed.

Taehyung is angry. He can't remember being so angry in his life. He feels tricked, used. And the worst part is that he liked it. He liked the pain, the way Jeongguk filled him up just right, took him to the edge and back, made him feel for the first time in so long because he'd had to keep his emotions at bay for years. He'd had to keep himself detached to make it hurt less.