Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

STOP MY HEART

Chapter: 21

Jeongguk lets Taehyung use the bathroom first. Gets him a toothbrush from his storage closet (which could double as a bomb shelter, given how prepared Jeongguk seems to be), lets him shower first.

It's a bit awkward, since they don't talk much, save for a few brief words. Taehyung knows Jeongguk isn't used to this-- someone staying. In truth, Taehyung isn't either. But he doesn't think it should be this... awkward.

And now, Taehyung is lying in bed, trying not to seem obvious as he stares at Jeongguk out of the corner of his eye. Never has a bed felt bigger than in this moment, with Jeongguk settling down as far away from Taehyung as possible.

Jeongguk seems to be absorbed with something on his phone, his back turned to Taehyung, and it gives Taehyung a moment to take in the dragon tattoo, taking up the wide expanse of Jeongguk's back, as well as to steep in his self-imposed misery.

Because Taehyung wants to cuddle. But he's too afraid to ask.

"Uhm..." Taehyung perks up when Jeongguk clears his throat and turns his head. "Good night."

The words are empty, awkward. Taehyung tries not to think about it too much. He smiles softly. "Good night Jeongguk. Sleep well."

Jeongguk seems stupefied at the last words, eyes flickering with confusion and panic. "I-- Okay." He turns himself away fully, pulling the covers over his shoulders, and that's that.

It takes everything in Taehyung's willpower not to sigh in disappointment. He should have known better than to expect intimacy with a man with an emotional wage of a brick. Biting his lip to keep from making any noise, he turns too, away from Jeongguk, because sleeping facing him seems too pathetic right now.

Taehyung closes his eyes and tries not to overthink-- the fact that Jeongguk wanted him to stay was leaps and bounds beyond what he'd hoped for. Jeongguk wanted him, at least to some degree, and that should be more than enough.

Jeongguk wasn't the same, naive boy from ten years ago. He wasn't going to open his heart so quickly. He was a man now, one who'd been through a lot, hardening him. He wasn't going to easily give or receive intimacy or trust someone so much. It's almost a miracle that Taehyung was in his bed, right now.

Except that Taehyung longs for Jeongguk's touch, still. Like a fool. He couldn't be satisfied, knowing Jeongguk was just a few feet away from him. Taehyung wants to stroke and kiss Jeongguk's hair, feel his hands against his skin, feel his heart beat against his hands to know that all of this is real. Not some fantasy that Taehyung had created out of sheer desperation.

Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut, as though that will make him fall asleep faster. But all he can do is think about Jeongguk's scent, woven between the very threads of the pillowcase he rests his head on, so heady and strong that Taehyung can almost trick himself into thinking he's in Jeongguk's embrace.

If only--

Taehyung hears the sheets rustle, and his body tenses. Jeongguk moves in the bed, and for a split second (one heart-wrenching second) Taehyung thinks Jeongguk is going to leave. But he feels Jeongguk shifting closer-- slowly, like he's trying not to wake Taehyung.

Taehyung feels Jeongguk get closer and closer, until he can almost feel the man's breath against the back of his neck. He senses Jeongguk settling down, resting his head against Taehyung's pillow, so close, but not touching.

Jeongguk's fingers brush softly against the back of Taehyung's hair, and he tries desperately not to jolt at the contact. "Sweet dreams, baby," Jeongguk murmurs, and Taehyung doesn't know how he manages to hear it over way his heart thumps violently against his chest.