GHOST (The Shadow in the Dark)

part thirty

I was an empty shell until I felt his presence. It came with fear, terror and dread of a man I could not see but could only feel. He was always watching me. During the day he was the man in my shadow, at night he became my shadow, a ghost who terrorized my night and followed my every step. I could not get away from him, I could not outrun the terror, the shadow, the pull, the burning desire, the dangerous feelings that came with him. So I let it burn. I let the terror, the dangerous feeling to linger, to take me, to wrap me, to lead me to a place where I could feel his touch, beyond my imaginations. I forgot the danger, the fear of his real personality, a ghost. Then he was gone, just as he came. I never knew him, I never saw his face but he left this emptiness, this longing, this yearning to be watched again, to fear again, to feel another touch of a ghost, the-shadow-in-the-dark.
     But it would never be, because he was gone forever not because he chose to, but because I killed him. I was the cause of his disappearance. I was the architect of my emptiness, it kept gnawing at me, an endless bottomless nothing. It was worse than my Zombie state. I had thought I would be better off with time, at least I would be back to my zombie state but it was now a month and I was getting worse.
   That night, I had screamed my voice out. The man who had opened the gate for me the first time, had come outside to ask me what was going on. He must have been shocked when he saw blood on my hands. I had pushed past him and staggered to my room. First thing I did was to call the DPO but the line was not available. I later checked Ghost last message which confirmed my stupidity.
‘At least check the file before going out, please I am coming, please don’t get hurt.’
That was the message I never read, the message I refused to read because I was pissed off, pissed off because he was a man from the tribe I hated. I had tried Ghost’s line but it no longer exist. The ear gadget never worked. It became my routine, I tried the line every morning and every evening but that voice kept saying the line did not exist almost like it was telling me, the man I was trying to contact did not exist.
I did not go to school the next day. I stayed throughout in my room trying his line and wishing I was dreaming. Ken had called me that night but I did not pick. Same with the next day. He came to my room at night and swore to break in if I did not open. He saw how messed up I looked and was speechless for a long time. Then he mentioned the battle that happened and how it was all over the news that two senators, three big time business men, four high ranked military personal and five high ranked police officers had been behind the shootings. He told me that they were looking for a witness who had the evidence of their crimes of numerous murders, illegal arms dealings, drug and human trafficking. I did not allow him to finish when I rushed out of my room with my ATM. I did not go to Ring Road. There was an electronic shop along Edo Street.
I was buying a plasma TV when Ken met up with me. He was looking confused but I did not say a word to him. I told the man I needed a generator and DSTV. He helped me contact DSTV office. I bought all the electronics I needed and waited for the DSTV man. Ken told me to stay there, he was going to get his car.
   Ken did not ask me anything as we entered my room. He helped the electrician fix my TV and connect the generator. It was not hard because the last person who used my room before I moved in had generator. I told the electrician to connect a switch outside for those who wanted to charge, that would save me from letting people invade my privacy.
    Ken just watched me throughout and still watched me watching the television, switching over to different news channels. It was true, it was the topic for discussion, even international news were having a field day. Some showed some video recovered from the file but blurred it because of the gruesome sight. It showed a family being murdered and the DPO was the main shooter. He was not a DPO then, he was promoted during the trial of Umaru, Abdul and Musa. I started crying and allowed Ken pull me close. He tried to turn off the TV, thinking I was watching my family’s murder but I stopped him, I needed to follow the full story. I did not know how The Circle did it but my name, my face, my identity as even a student was never mentioned. They kept saying a witness with the evidence of their crime was being protected by a Special Force soldier when he was shot while fighting off the assassins, nothing to indicate he was alive or dead. Somehow, I had that insane believe that he was still alive. That was how crazy I had become. All the culprits had been apprehended and the president had sworn to make sure their trials were swift. Ken once again tried to stop me from watching but I refused. The reason I was in a mess was because I tried to run away from reality.  I switched to another channel exactly when they were discussing about a soldier who had withhold the assassins from getting hold of the witness and the evidence. I switched off the TV before they could go any further, before they could announce his death. I did not hold back my tears. I was the architect of my own misfortune.
   I needed someone to talk, to confess my atrocities, to tell how I had tried to end Ghost two times, and how I succeeded in the last one. Ken was the only one available so I told him everything, I told him everything I did to the soldier who was sent to protect me. I told him how I fell in love with him and how I got mad when I discovered he was Hausa Fulani. I expected him to judge me but he did not help issue because he also started crying. He could not believe I was the witness they were reading about. He kept apologizing instead of accusing me.
       He stayed throughout the night and left the next morning with a promise to come back. He did come back that night and the next night. We never spoke, he was just there to force me eat my food.
    I needed to do something, I needed to find out about the lies the DPO had told me. I had to skip lectures and found myself at the school library. I had my library card but never used it until that day. I went straight to the newspaper section and started searching for news from the period my family were murdered. It took me time but I found them. I packed them down and sat down, then started reading. I searched for the trials and Musa’s confession. Then I found it. The DPO had lied to me from the beginning. There was nothing like a soldier working with them in his confession instead, he mentioned that he met with a Being called Messenger of death. He said the night he and his men had slaughtered two families, Omakor and Farouk, they were attacked by someone they could not see. His men kept disappearing. He said he had a glimpse of one being pulled to the roof with a magic rope. He said he could not see the man and when the man had showed his presence, he just knew he was seeing an angry Being. The man had given him a lifeline on how to get mercy from Allah because those he killed would never enter paradise. He said only confession would save him because the people he had been deceived to kill by Abdul were pure souls. According to Musa, he was willing to pay for his sins, he was happy Allah granted him mercy to be a true martyr. He even pleaded for forgiveness. I did not need anyone to tell me he was talking about Ghost. I remembered his last statements, he had said he could not fail a second time. He must have gotten there late and he had avenged their death immediately. I sat there and cried my eyes out. Students and workers came to ask me what was going on but I quickly pushed the newspapers back and ran out.
  As I ran back to my hostel, I thought about Halima. I had also read about how she was kidnapped after her family were murdered by same Umaru. Her dad had worked for Umaru like my dad. My dad was Umaru’s lawyer. She was given to one Chief Esegie who had abused her for more than fourteen years. I could not even finish that story. Her picture was not shown, according to the newspapers it was for her safety. I wondered how she had survived and what her current state would look like. It would not be easy for someone locked out of the world for that long. Animals were better than some humans, it was just unbelievable that someone could be that heartless. I had thought there was no tribe as heartless as Hausa and Fulani but Chief Esegie did not sound like them. I remembered Ghost asking me why I could not just hate the criminals, he had asked me why I had to hate the whole tribe and I had no good answer and it cost me a lot. Now I understood why God did not answer my prayers when Ghost was shot. Hatred was like murder. Fueled by my hatred for a tribe, I took actions without considering the options available. The reason why I had listened to the DPO had nothing to do with his statement that he could be the soldier who watched my family die, it just had to do with the fact that he was Hausa. If I had listened to him and not allow my emotions to rule me, he would have been alive, stupid me.
He had been right all the time because the friend I did not know became more dangerous than the enemy I knew. Suicide was not an option, although my body wanted me to end the emptiness, my mind was now stronger. It was not only strong but my mind had betrayed me, the same mind that screamed for me to end it with Ghost screamed for me to live and enjoy the misery I created for myself. 
     It was past a month but no news from him, not that I was expecting any news, it was just my body that hoped against hope. Exam was starting the next day, I was ready because I did nothing else but read. Ken said I was like the living dead and he just could not get to me except when we read together. There was nothing he did not do to try make me look normal but life was now black and grey.