Only the Beginning

Chapter 12

||Carmen Anders||

May 10th, 2015.

Jason's birthday.

The perfect way to celebrate was going out drinking, right?

Whether it was or not, I was doing it.

At a party.

Thrown by Asher Williams.

I really had no idea why I was here and I honestly didn't remember who I came with either.

Ryder?

Dylan?

Asher himself?

All I knew was that I was having fun.

The liquor burned as it went down my throat and I felt a crazy sensation run through my body. I was doing pretty well for a girl that was so anti-alcohol.

My vision was blurred by my salty tears but I couldn't tell whether they were there because of the burning or because I was just emotional.

I'm a mess. At least, I'm aware of this much. Drinking myself blind on my dead brother's birthday was a shit move.

But messy people make shitty moves. I needed someone to fix me.

I can't clean this all up by myself. I thought.

But I was thinking about my vomit.

I had vomited right in the grass. I set down the liquor bottle, deciding that that was enough for now.

I still needed someone to fix this. Fix the messed I had made. Figuratively and literally.

"Ryder." I croaked.

He's been avoiding me all day. What's making me think he'll come now? Even after that night, after seeing him in such a vulnerable state, after trying to help him, he acted like it never happened.

"Dylan."

He's been trying to fix me ever since we met. I know he can't.

"Mum."

Ha. I'm just desperate now.

"Somebody help me. Please." I begged.

I'm hopeless.

Emotionally and physically wrecked. I can't even get up. My whole body's limp, I am weak and tired and scared.

"Help me!" I shrieked.

I don't know what I wanted help with. Were they supposed to clean up my vomit from in between the filaments of grass? Were they supposed to bring my brother back to life?

I don't know. I just needed someone to show up.

"Carmen?"

I didn't speak until he called my name again.

"Carmen, is that you?!"

"Over here." I heard footsteps.

A figure hovered over me. "Oh, Carmen."

I smiled. "Hi, Ryder."

"Goddamn it, C, are you laying in your vomit?"

"Next to." I corrected him.

I could tell he was well passed drunk as well because he couldn't really stand straight. He didn't look much more stable than I did.

"Lay with me." I said.

Without a word, he plopped down next to me.

We drowned ourselves in silence until he decided he needed to come back up for air. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I said.

"It's not. Any other girl would have gone running in the opposite direction."

"It's okay." I repeated.

"I shouldn't have left-"

"But you're here now." I turned on my side to face him.

His red eyes searched my face for emotion but there was so much there that he couldn't find any.

"You're beautiful."

I shook my head.

"You're funny and kind and honest."

Honest. I thought.

"God, I just want to kiss you. " He said as he leaned in.

Almost instinctively, I moved back. "Ryder, you're drunk."

I instantly knew I'd fucked up.
The help I'd so desperately wanted had come straight by, only for me to push it away.

But I've made so many shitty moves tonight that this would be the shittiest. This wasn't the right time.

My brother had died because he was so intoxicated that he couldn't think straight.

And here I am, intoxicated and unable to think properly on his damn birthday.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-" He started.

But he was cut off by the shrieking of loud sirens. The police were here.

~*~.

A/N. I owe you guys the biggest apology!!! I am so, so sorry. I'm honestly expecting to lose a lot of the few readers I have because of this but I'm really sorry.

For those of you who are still reading, THANK YOU! You didn't have to stick around but you did and I'm really glad you did! I truly appreciate every comment/vote and reply to all!

What happened was, I'd been so consumed in school that when I came back to write I was completely lost.

I guess I just had a case of writers block but I'm back, and this wasn't my best work but I hope you still enjoyed it.

See you again soon

~ Cookie (M.)