Abandoned and Recovered

Chapter 13

"Okay, honey. I'd like to tell you about a couple things Dr. Groff and I discussed. I'm not sure how much you listened, but I want to make sure we're both on the same page."

Sadie nodded her head as she sat on the couch facing her Mama.

"Something that I should have done much earlier was discuss your limits and what you're comfortable with me doing as your caregiver. I thought this could all be done with just me kind of figuring it out on my own, but there's more to this than just playtime and baby furniture. Being a caregiver is a huge responsibility and means I've been entrusted with your physical and mental wellbeing. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing everything right so far; but know that I'm really trying."

The small girl placed one of her hands over Ava's as she finished speaking. Though she was unsure how to articulate her feelings, she wanted the woman to know she understood.

"Punishment is something in particular that we really should have agreed upon before I made the decision to carry one out. The fear of the unknown is a lot and I understand now why you were so upset. There is a really big difference between punishment for bad behavior and abuse though, okay? What happened to you with Victoria, the things she would do, is abuse. I want you to know that my discipline is meant as a means of helping you be the best little girl I know you are and is done completely out of love."

"Ess Mama. Bu' no wan' hit o-or 'pank" she said warily.

Ava nodded firmly in response.

"That's totally fine. There doesn't have to be hitting of any kind involved in punishment. I have a few ideas in mind as to what can be done and I'd like to know if you agree to them."

Sadie picked at the hem of her t-shirt carefully as her caretaker spoke. She knew what Ava was trying to say, but really never wanted a punishment of any kind.

"No 'unish?" she asked quietly.

The black haired woman looked sympathetic.

"I'm sorry, honey, but when you do something naughty or dangerous, there should be consequences. This isn't me trying to be mean or hurt you, it's me trying to take care of you."

The tiny girl's shoulders dropped slightly with the realization that she would be unable to escape any form of discipline. She gave a small "yes" and waited for her Mama to continue.

"Okay. Here are a few things that warrant a punishment: throwing a tantrum, hitting yourself or others, explicitly being disobedient or not listening, lying, cursing, yelling, and leaving without permission."

Sadie looked sheepish at the final item on the list.

"So now, punishments themselves: early bedtime, no TV, corner time, no toys, and no sweets or desserts. Does all of that sound fair?"

After a moment of deliberation, the tiny redhead nodded once again. She was glad to find there were no physical punishments after all.

"Wha' if bweak da 'ules?" she questioned timidly.

"If you break the rules, I may give you a warning depending on what you did. If you really act out or misbehave, we'll go straight to punishment."

"Mama..." she pouted. "Fine."

Ava laughed at her little girl who was now sitting in a huff next to her.

"Always tell Mama if you're feeling sad or scared, too. I need to know how you're feeling all the time so I can help you, sweetheart. You never have to hide anything from me."

"Ess Mama" she stated. "I 'ell 'ou."

Ava leaned over to kiss the girl on the cheek before she pulled back with a smile.

"Thank you, Sadie. I hope this helps a bit and we can keep you the happy, pretty little girl that I love so much."

—

Sadie had woken from her nap bawling and weakly kicking her legs; pacifier lost amongst the sheets of her crib.

"What's wrong little one?"

Ava did her best to sound pleasant in an effort to off-set the apparent mood her baby woke up in. The tiny girl simply ignored her words and cried pitifully as she interrupted her own wails by chewing on her fist. A trail of drool fell down her chin and covered her hand as she bit at the appendage and squirmed unhappily.

"I see someone is very little, hmmm?"

Truthfully, though she had only observed the girl for several moments, the older woman could see that Sadie had slipped into a headspace comparable to that of a newborn. Throughout the time she had been caring for her friend she had yet to see her so small; a fact which worried Ava deeply. She feared misstepping and unintentionally setting the girl further back after they had been making so much progress.

Taking a deep breath, the woman calmed herself and remembered to employ what she had learned so far and trust her instincts to care for her baby girl.

"Come here, sweetheart. Mama needs to change your little bottom."

Sadie whimpered and squirmed as she was lifted out of her crib and carried over to the bed. The moment she was laid down and out of her caregiver's arms she gave a frustrated cry; smacking her lips together as if searching for her lost pacifier.

The diaper was quickly and expertly untaped with Ava making a face at the smell that radiated from her little one's soiled diaper.

"Oh my goodness! My poor little girl. Mama will clean you all up."

The baby made no efforts to communicate and barely registered the actions of her caregiver as her diaper was changed and bottom wiped. Although the volume of her cries minimized, tears continued to fall with tiny whines of frustration.

"Okay, okay. Mama knows. You're okay."

Once clean and in a fresh diaper, Ava sat next to her baby on the bed and expertly maneuvered the girl to be cradled in her arms. For a brief moment, Sadie rested her head on the woman's breast contently. However, just as quickly, she immediately turned her head and began rooting at the woman's breast in search of milk.

Ava paled at the unfamiliar sensation. Breastfeeding was not something she had given much thought to but did have minimal understanding of. The girl in her arms was clearly very tiny and in search of her Mama's milk. She felt unreasonably guilty for being unable to soothe the little one in the way she was looking for and feeling a sense of anxiety surrounding what should be a natural act.

"Mama will feed you, Sadie. Let's get baba for you then."

Standing carefully with the girl in her arms, Ava made her way into the joined kitchen and living room to heat one of the pre-made bottles for her hungry little one. She dreaded the tears that were sure to come from having to set the girl down once again but knew they would be over quickly once she was feeding.

"Right here..." she trailed off while carefully laying her little one on the couch. Immediately, an ear piercing scream released from the tiny girl and she pushed at her face with uncoordinated hands.

"My poor little girl. Mama is so sorry. This will only take a minute."

Ava felt like crying herself as she did her best to work quickly to placate her unhappy baby. Sadie's bawling broke her heart and she wanted nothing more than to fix all of the little one's problems.

The second the microwave beeped and the bottle was thoroughly heated, the older woman grabbed the object and returned to the couch. Lifting the screaming girl up and onto her lap once she herself was seated proved simple and within seconds the bottle was taken without issue.

Ava let out a sigh of relief and pressed a soft kiss to her little one's forehead.