"Semi-Short Stories" [ Story Collection ]

The Trial [] 7/12 []

[ TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS & A SUICIDE NOTE. ]

Once Max had returned to their seat between the twins, the both of them immediately hugging them comfortingly, James was called to the witness stand. There's a folded sheet of paper clasped in his hand. Taking a seat, he adjusts his hoodie sleeves and shifts in his chair.

The children's attorney steps forward. They mentioned beforehand that they didn't have much to say themselves, as she believes that the children's statements said everything that needed to be said. This is the first time she's spoken since the statements started.

"James here has written a letter that he'd like to read in place of a statement."

The judge nods his approval and the attorney returns to her seat. James takes a shaky breath, makes eye contact with her (which is met with a nod and a small smile), and unfolds his letter.

"Dear Mom: I would say that I'm sorry that I had to write this, but I'm not. I'm not sorry for you, that is, but I am sorry for my siblings. For dad, who I hope would have loved and accepted me had you not been in the picture. I'm sorry for Penny, who won't have me to play tea party with her because everyone else is always too busy. Or for Connor, who likes to play cards with me during lunch and follows me around everywhere at school because he's just a freshman and he's scared. He skipped a grade, so everyone's older than he is. Everyone's so much taller and intimidating. But I don't mind that he's my shadow, because I like to spend time with him. He's really funny, but it isn't like you would know that."

James takes another breath. He looks over to his row of siblings. Connor is beaming at him and Penny is sipping from a pretend teacup - innocent. Too young to have to hear this and too young to understand what the older three siblings have already figured out. James turns his gaze back to the paper. He didn't look at his mother.

"I feel like this is a selfish choice that I'm making. I could just continue being the happy James that people are used to. I could suffer silently so that no one has to worry about me. But that wouldn't change the fact that worry is all I do. I worry about what you would do if you found out. Have you read my diary? Do you know that I have one? It's under my dresser, if you want to read it. It won't matter at that point. Have you noticed how I only wear long-sleeves? If I didn't wear them, would you even see the scars I've put there myself?"

James clears his throat. He's near tears. Stella is fighting them, Charles is silently crying, Charlotte is shaken with sobs, Max is leaned over with their face in their hands, and the younger two look more confused than anything.

"The least you could do is tell Penny and Connor that I'm sorry and that I loved them." He shifts multiple times, his head down. He's crying now. "I'll see you in Hell, because people who kill themselves don't go to heaven."

The silence in the room is more deafening and overwhelming than it had been when Max was testifying.

"Signed, Your Daughter Josie." James folds the paper and looks to the judge. "Can I go sit back down?"

Even the judge is emotional. Nothing is said, there's just a nod in response and James - or, Josie - returns to the other children. She's welcomed with open arms and tearful hugs.

Daciana's attorney has nothing to say to this statement.