Chasing Char<3 (One Direction/Louis Tomlinson Fan-Fiction)

Chapter Seventeen

(I wouldn't recomend reading this on a phone, it might get confusing- love you!)

Chapter 17:

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

Why me? Why now? Why ever?

When you get what you want, but not what you need

I have what I want, I have Louis, I have Ciara, I HAD a great life, but what I need is disappearing right before my eyes.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

I can hardly keep my eyes open yet I cannot sleep. I want to, I want to so badly- so that this pain might be put off, just for a little while. But yet I cannot bear to waste the last moments I had with him.

Stuck in reverse

That’s pretty accurate, everything is in reverse. My job, my diet, my sleep my life.

And the tears come streaming down your face

Never ending, gauging permanent trails in my face. I hate Louis seeing me like this- so ugly, but right now it’s the least of my worries.

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

No, no it couldn’t,

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Nothing can fix me…

Suddenly the earphones are ripped from my ears and Louis' picking me up off of the floor, he carries me carefully over to the armchair and places me gently down on it.

‘How are you feeling?’

I don’t reply, I knew he only cares about me, but wasn’t it obvious?

‘Did you eat the sandwich I brought you?’ he goes over to the curtains and opens them, letting the sunlight pour in. I hadn’t seen it for 2 days. But then just as suddenly he closes them again, shutting it out.

'What's the matter?' I whisper,

'Nothing, it's fine.' he says, too quickly, 'Did you eat it Char?'

‘I didn’t feel like it.’

‘You need to eat Char.’ He smiles gently, coming and crouching by the chair I am sat in. He was putting on this whole huge façade for me, but I could see that he was hurting to, under the comforting smiles...

And the comforting words…

And the comforting hugs.

‘I brought you some clothes.’

‘Thanks.’ I reply despondently,

‘I need to go and pick up Ciara and the boys from the airport but I’ll be right back Honey, I love you.’ He places a kiss on my head, and wraps his arms around my weak body. I grasp his hair with my hands and the tears run free again,

‘Do you have to go?’

‘Well I could call a taxi but don’t you want them to be here as soon as possible.’ He pulls back a bit, looking me in the face.

‘Of course.’

‘Well then I must.’ He pulls me into the hug again

‘I love you.’ I say, placing a chaste kiss on his lips,

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And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

There’s nothing left to try, all I lost, he is lost. I find the strength to get up and move closer to the bed, I shrink down the wall and onto the floor- gripping my head in my hands.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

The beeping, ever present and both of our lifelines. But it hurts my head so much- the thought that if it stops it’s the end. And the tears thicken, everything blurs…

Tears stream down on your face

I can’t see, I need someone, anyone. I want Louis or Ciara but I need Grandpa. I just need him to hold me- one last time, to make me warm milk with a touch of honey like he does best.

When you lose something you cannot replace

I need him to sit on my feet when they’re cold. I need him to run me a huge bubble bath with the petals and the bath salts and the bath oil like he does every Christmas.

Tears stream down on your face

And I...

As the music picked up in beat, so did the rate of the monitor, and the whoosh of the air in the ventilator.

Tears stream down on your face

My gaze shoots to the display on the machine, the numbers were all lowering. Apart from the big one in the middle, which is shooting up at an alarming rate which can only mean one thing?

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

I run to the wall and hit the emergency call button with a sudden burst of energy as my body begins to rack with sobs. I grasp his cold, frail hand in mine and the huge weight on my shoulders that has been there since the news came to us in Tahiti suddenly became too much.

Tears stream down on your face

I collapse to the floor as the nurses and a doctor come running in shouting various instructions to each other. One kneels down beside me and supports me in moving away from the bed, but I stay on the floor. The tears dry up or at least no more seem to escape my eyes, but then again I can’t feel everything, I am numb.

And I...

And as the music slows down, so did I. With everything in slow motion, the torture became unbearable…

Lights will guide you home

Where is he? Where are they? He promised he would be here. I notice the compressions the nurses start doing on his chest and vaguely register the shouts of the doctor as they pumped chemicals into his veins in an attempt to revive him.

And ignite your bones

I feel like I’m burning- every inch of me is filled with pain. And then I notice the cease of movement by his bed and hear the words:

‘Everyone agreed? Time of death, 12:18.’

 A resounding beep rings through the deathly quiet room…

And I will try to fix you…