Sleepless Dawns

What have I become?

The way babies learn is amazing.. I have seen it..

First she learns to smile.. Her smile - even if it is the last thing I am gonna see in this lifetime, I'll be satisfy...

Then she learns to follow the voices with her eyes.... Her searching sparkling innocent eyes - makes me wonder is there anything purer than this in this universe?

Then she learns to hold things in her hands, of course that is only if it was given in her hands. She won't let it go until it was taken again. Her tightly-grasped small fingers - makes me think if these small fingers can grasped this tightly, then definitely ours can do wonders. It's just we have lost the confidence we once had.

Then she slowly learns to shout.. Ma, Pa, la, the sounds she makes though loud and meaningless, a smile pop up on my face and I feel a ting of happiness each time I hear her.

Then she learns to reach out for things she wants with a few emotions of her own like wailing for things she can't get and anger. The two words, when described about an adult became contemptuous, became cute when described of her.

Then she learns to sit, of course. Her desperate try to want to sit continuously despite the fact that her bones are still soft and weak makes me consider my once-had own determination to succeed.

Finally she stands. Though she knew it is very painful to fall down, she gets back up each and every time.

She taught me a lot of things. I watched her as I see the difference between the present me and how-I-wanted-me-to-become me. The confident, determination, never-quitting attitude of her makes me think - What have I become? Where's the confident I once owned? Where's the determination? Where's the tenacity? Where's the persistence? Did I really own those years ago?? I had a thousand questions in my mind. Is it OK if I start now to reform? Of course, it's never really too late for anything in this world. That's something I taught to myself.