When My Tears Became An Ocean

A Time Before The Beginning

Depression.
Anxiety.
Two different words with the same effect, same aim, same purport.
More like being in a totally round room and looking for a corner to sit in. Sadly this is my state!.

Buzzz!!! buzzz!!! buzzz!!!, I kept on hearing that same annoying noise perturbing my totally awesome sleep, opening my eyes slowly it hit me...god! It's Monday, the buzz sound? That was the alarm! "What's the time?" I cogitated as I picked up my phone. Jeez! 7:30! my boss's gonna be so pissed, I'm late for work! again!. I jumped out of the bed, dashed into the bathroom for a quick shower while running through my mind "what excuse was I going to give this time?" Last time was a broken car, the other before that was a fever, the other one before that was a rather lame one "I slipped while coming out of the bathroom, so I had to stop by the hospital" still surprised He didn't ask for the "injured spot". Truth is, last night I got drunk, I got dumped last night by Henry thus making this the seventh relationship that ended badly for me. For a thirty-year old woman, having a family with the love of my life was all I craved. "You are a nice, pretty woman and any guy who'd fall for you would be lucky he did, but it just isn't working out for both of us" Henry said. Damn! that fucking prick! How dare he use that line on me, so cliche! Well, to be honest I didn't exactly put in effort, I was scared, I'd maybe do too much and maybe then it would have resulted to an even lamer reason.

I came out of the shower and faced the "big wall-mirror" in my nude, "ain't I sensuous?" I said out loud, Sliding my hands from my breast down to my sides then my lower curves, staring in admiration and contempt. Spurned from the ring of my phone, it was my boss! "What was the time!?" 9 0'clock! I'm so dead!, *Picks up*

Good morning sir. Seun, where are you!?, What does your time say!?. Sir, sir, I uh... I'm stuck in traffic,sir. You better make it here before 9:30

*hangs up*.

OMG! 9:30!? I rushed to get dressed, dashed out of the house leaving my car so I could get a bike thus making it to work before "the said" 9:30. I had forgotten to brush my teeth!. Damn! it's too late now, I'd get a mint flavored gum to cover up.

I got to work 7minutes late than the time my boss had screamed to me earlier. Seun!,

The boss wants to see you, he's really pissed!, Said Melissa, my co-worker. I know, he called me earlier , is he in his office?... before I could finish my statement. Seun!! My boss screamed, shivering with scare, I went to his office.

He took a look at me and looked away in disgust. Fear ran through my spine, thoughts running through my head were "is this the day I'd be getting a "sack letter"?"... Do you love your job? He asked looking upwards. I was perplexed! wondering why he asked that question, I've been working as a journalist for six years now, if I didn't love been one, I would have deserted a long time, I was lost in my thoughts until he asked again. Seun! I said, do you love your job!? This time more profound. Yes sir, I do very much, I replied. Well, I'm beginning to question that fact, cos if you actually do love your job you definitely won't be showing up late to work, and sleeping on the job!? hey, you are one of my brightest and I'd hate to fire you!...You know what? Take some time off. What! Sir!, I was about dissenting. No! No objections! Take two weeks off, starting immediately, see a therapist or something, figure out whatever it is you need to figure out, ask yourself whether you want this job or not!. Okay sir, I said drear. Good!, you can leave now.

I left his office distressed as I walked slowly to my corner and sat, then came Melissa. What did he say?

What happened in there? Melissa asked curiously. He told me to take time off, I'm two weeks out babe, He also said to see a shrink too, I said disheartened. Really, He said that? Well Seun, I think it's a great idea, you should see a shrink babe, Seun you've got a lot going on; break up with Henry, and the guy before that, your own personal drama, it's eating you up babe, I can see that and clearly the boss sees it to, I could hook you up with a shrink, my husband and I have been seeing one, I could maybe set up a meeting for you later today.

*exhales*

I know about my problems Melissa, duh I'm the one having them but seeing a shrink!? C'mon b. No but's' Seun!, I'm making the call right now, she said

*bringing out her phone*

and you're going! No frets! Come on babe, You gotta to talk to someone who can actually help you psychologically, you need this Seun, do it for me b, "Melissa said with a smiling but also weary face". Okay okayy, I'd go, I'd go meet this... shrink.. Messiah but I'm only doing this because I know you'd pester me to death argh! Damn you mel!. I know honey, and I love you "Melissa said with her still smiling and weary face". Am I that broken mel? I asked with a weary face. No you're not honey, you just need help, help from a professional b. Alright, but hey, is this..."Messiah" person a he or a she because I can't handle pouring out my personal soliloquy on a dude. No now, na woman "Melissa said laughing", you know I can't to that to you babe and stop calling a therapist "Messiah" *still laughing*. Better o, because me I no fit dey follow man dey talk all my wahala now, o wa embarrassing na, I said laughing too. *Melissa still laughing* I know babe, no fear, it's a Woman. Alright then, make the call, argh! I can't believe I'm doing this, I said agitated. You are doing this, Melissa said happily and she left to make the call.

I cleared my desk and left the building saying my "byes" to Melissa after she gave me the therapists "complimentary card". Bye babe, I'll call her on the way out, gonna get home first and get changed, I didn't even get to brush my teeth before leaving home, I was in a hurry to make it here on time after boss called. Seriously!? Melissa said laughing, babe also take a calm shower too, I'm pretty sure you practically dived into the bathroom earlier. That could be true, I said laughing out loud, I'd call you later babe. Yeah sure, you better do honey. I left the building, calling the therapist on the way out.

*Ring ring* hello. Hi. Yeah, I'm Seun was given your number by Melissa, guess she called already to tell I was going to fix an appointment?. Yeah sure, she did, will be expecting you by 4?. Yeah sure, by 4pm. Okay then.

*ends call*.

Phew! I exhaled, pondering on the effect the therapy session was going to have on me afterwards, while still trying to get a bike back home.

Finally got home but my mind was filled, among others was Melissa's words that kept resonating in my head "you need help from a professional", it's the truth, I do need help, maybe just maybe seeing a shrink isn't a bad idea but the second I get uncomfortable I am bolting. I dropped my bag on the couch, took off my clothes and walked naked to the bathroom, turned on the shower, I went under and stood still, with thoughts flushing my mind. I was done, didn't forget to brush my teeth again though, got dressed, took my keys and left the house