Weird Short Story Dump

Hooker Aspen (It's Either Exactly What You're Thinking or the Opposite)

AN: This story takes place in the Mindverse, a place my friends and I created for mass crossovers. Only Aspen, Eris, Riff Writer, Hothead, and Musa are mine. Everyone else belongs to their respective creators. Now then, let's dive headfirst into the pure oddness that is my mind, shall we?

Eris

I wished I'd stayed in bed. The weird thing was, I almost did too, but no. I stumbled out of bed on Saturday morning and instinctively moved toward the smell of muffins baking downstairs. 

"Hey," Riff didn't look up from her guitar as I walked through living room. In the kitchen, Pinkie had pulled a batch of them out of the oven.

"Hi Eris! Wanna be the first to try an apple cider muffin?" My eyes widened and she handed me one. I sat down at the table, wondering why Aspen was still asleep. Usually he was up long before me and went to bed way later. I brushed it off as I was sidetracked by Rainbow coming downstairs and, without speaking, getting a coffee and mixing it with a Sugar-Free Redbull. Once I went back to my thoughts, I was sidetracked by Aspen himself, looking chipper (he always was the morning person) and wearing hooker boots. And fishnets. Why? He sauntered down the stairs and as he passed by I couldn't help but notice he was wearing... guyliner.
"Oh my Hanla, it's too freaking early," Rainbow muttered.
"Aspen?" He glanced over at me in a very holier-than-thou kind of way before looking to the muffins, which Pinkie had left unattended. He took one and left the room, but not before I ran after him.
"Aspen, what the HELL are you doing?" He glanced over his shoulder,
"Whatever you want baby." That was what clued me in. This wasn't Aspen, or at least Aspen in his right mind. I backed off, opting instead to follow him from afar.
Aspen sauntered upstairs, where, as she was walking by, he slapped Musa's butt.
"Hey you bloody asshole! FUCK OFF!" She was bright red and holding him by the shirt. 
"You know you like it babe." She then pushed him down the stairs.
"Eris, what the Gato is going on?"
"To hell if I know," I shrugged and she left, deliberately taking the other set of stairs. Aspen made his way back up with the same ridiculous swagger, shoving me aside as he went towards the bedrooms. I ran after him.
"Hey! Aspen, cut this crap out." I held him against the wall by the shoulder. He ignored me, instead saying,
"Listen bitch, if you want this," he gestured to himself,
"Ya gotta pay for it. $50 an hour. Gimme the dough, and we can go." I blushed as hard as Musa had.
"WHAT?!?! NO! ASPEN YOU'RE NOT A FREAKING HOOKER!"
"I prefer to call myself a 'personal escort' thank you very much." 
"Fuck off."
"I know you want me." His eyes stayed half lidded, and he tried to kiss my neck. I slapped him.
"Bitch, I know you're just jealous of me."
"Said the dude in a corset."
"Shut the hell up." Aspen wriggled free from my grasp and stalked off,  presumably to sexually harass the other females in the house. On the way down however, he tripped on those huge boots and fell over the railing that restrained people from doing just that.
"Crap!" I ran down the stairs, finding most of the house crowded around him. Aspen was seemingly unconscious, sprawled out on the floor. 
"Are we gonna take him to the hospital?"
"Nah, the kid's fine." Rainbow then dragged Aspen to the couch, and Pinkie went into the kitchen to grab ice. The house then left, going back to whatever they'd been doing prior.

ASPEN

I woke up in fishnets. Why. I was admittedly groggy with a horrible headache, but the first thing I noticed was the hooker clothes.
"What did I..?" I'd figured it had been some rave last night until I remembered that I'd spent all night finishing 'The Blood of Olympus'.
"You woke up thinking you were a hooker and sexually harassed most of the people in the house, including me." I glanced over at Eris, who was sitting on the end of the couch. When I heard that I could feel my cheeks get boiling hot.
"What happ- I didn'- Eris wha-" I spluttered, making Eris laugh an say,
"Yeah, you're back."
Then she left.
What?