I'm Just A Kid

Awakening

I remember my first memory, as it was a crystal clear one. A memory so crisp that it seemed to have permanently stained my brain.
I remember darkness, and in this darkness I could remember being conscious. In this darkness, I knew that I was an individual with life. Prior to this I had no memories. I remember thinking that in my head once I came to, that I had no prior knowledge of being alive. All I knew was this darkness. I opened my eyes and I could see a birthday cake with candles. My eyes focused on the flickering flames as I was contemplating telling my mother that I had just come alive. My lips parted and before I could speak, voices rang together to sing of my accomplishment: turning 4 years old. The singing faded as my eyes got lost in those flickering candles. My heart was full. I was able to laugh and feel joy as a child. This is my favorite memory because it was one of few rare moments that I was able to be immersed by my childlike innocence and joy. In times of pain and grief I remember this memory as the one period of time that my heart and mind were clean of any trauma.
I wish I could go back in time and hug that naive little girl, and never let her go. Protect her from all of the evil that she would have to endure through the years following up until 20 years of age.
At 4 years old, I closed my eyes and made a wish before blowing out my candles.
"I wish to be this happy for the rest of my life."
Some wishes were never meant to come true.