My heart was beating so fast and loud while driving the car, I can't accept na ganon parin ang epekto niya sa akin. Kahit lumipas na ang limang taon, no new still him. Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay habang nagmamaneho, hindi ako mapakali. I glanced at my watch and napagtanto kong 4:30 pa pala ng hapon. Our meeting went well, it seems that they have already planned bout their wedding for a long time kaya hindi na kami nahirapan at natagalan sa mga general ideas na kailangan naming pag-usapan.
While taking down the details to my tablet, my heart was badly aching. Masakit tanggapin at isipin that the man that I am dreaming of, praying for, and loving since 2015 is marrying his first and only love. And what sucks the most is that I am their freaking wedding coordinator.
Since maaga naman natapos ang aming meeting, I think it would be better if magpalipas oras muna ako sa Hilltop, 6pm pa naman yung dinner namin ni Selena. Hilltop is my go to when I am feeling down, the scenery there calms me down. The cold breeze of the wind, the calm ambiance, and its also overlooking sa Davao City. So tinahak ko ang daan papunta roon and guess it will be a 20 minute drive from Jacinto to Langub Rd.
I shuffled my playlist before playing it and siguro nga nananadya ang tadhana, the song 'Happier' by Ed Sheeran starts playing. Ewan ko ba nag e-emo na ata ako pero every line of the song tila ba damang dama ko. Natatawa nalang ako sa sarili ko, funny what "love" can make you do. After that encounter, it feels like my calm world was wrecked again. I feel so miserable now, I am not mocking that I don't want this because I wholeheartedly accept the pain this love is giving me. Even if it destroys myself, I am willing to accept it.
I am hurt- very hurt actually, but my system seems to be immune to this pain. Imagine feeling this pain for almost five years, sometimes its more heartbreaking but I gather myself to keep going. The feeling that you want to release the pain but your body would not cooperate, I want to cry, I want to feel the rage that I should be feeling but I just can't where in fact I am happy for him that he finally found his happiness.
Due to those drowning thoughts, 20 minutes was just like 5 minute-drive. While driving to my usual spot, may nakita akong cafe na bago sa aking paningin. It caught my attention, I think this week lang to nag open ah kasi the last time I have been here is hindi pa iyon fully furnished. The signage says "Sip and Read" Cafe kaya I parked my white subaru impreza premium sedan and went to their cafe, I can see some students na nag stu-study sa cafe most of them were Medical Students which is expected kasi walking distance lang dito ang Pryce Medical School of Davao. A library feels ang sumalubong sa aking pagpasok kasi I can see bookshelves everywhere, and I found out na they are also selling books and I love the rococo touch of this cafe.
Everything is bright, organized, serene which is a good place for studying or unwinding. I went to the counter and ordered some chamomile tea and a cinnamon roll then went to their book section and naghanap ng pwedeng basahin. I bought a copy of William Shakespeare's Sonnets and headed to the parang balcony of the cafe, kung saan wala masyadong tao and I don't want to be surrounded with stressed med students no, malungkot na nga ako mafi-feel ko pa ang pressure sa kanila.
Umupo ako sa pinakagilid na table and opened my book while waiting for this device to vibrate which means okay na yung order ko. While reading, I can hear the chirping of the birds which is my comfort- the nature. Not less than five minutes the device vibrated kaya I have to pick it up sa counter, iniwan ko nalang ang book ko and went on the inside to get my order.
Lumipas rin ang isang oras ang pananatili ko sa cafe and I decided to leave kasi may dinner pa kami ni Selena, the staffs were also very friendly kaya comfortable ako sa lugar na iyon. For sure, I will spend my free times sa cafe na iyon. And I will definitely recommend it to Mel my half sister, she's a law student kasi and for sure magugustuhan niya yong cafe na iyon.
Malapit lang din naman sa location ng cafe ang steakhouse na napagusapan namin ni Selena kaya okay lang, pagkarating ko sa restaurant ay nag retouch muna ako sa sasakyan. I combed my hair and fixed my lipstick kasi nabura na sya sa mga ininom kong coffee and tea, malisyosa pa naman yung pinsan ko na yun baka di ako paniwalaan na galing ako sa isang meeting. Matapos kong mag retouch, I messaged her na there's no need to rush kasi ako na ang magrereserve ng table for us.
To: Selena
Hey, I'm here na sa resto kaya ako na ang mag rereserve ng table for us. No need to be extra early from your expected arrival hehe.
Habang pababa na ako sa car, I felt my phone vibrating kaya kinuha ko iyon and there tumatawag ang pinsan ko kaya I answered it immediately.
"Di mo nalang talaga tinext ang sasabihin mo no?" i said
"Duh, kapagod mag type kaya. But anyways, reserve a table for 4 ha!" she said and ended the call
Just wow, pero I did not know may kasama pala kami but we'll see. Pagkapasok ko, the staff greeted me and yun nag pa reserve agad ako ng table. Pagkarating ko sa table I opened my Instagram and nag story ng picture ng resto with the caption "waiting..." then after that lumabas ang post ni Eli one hour ago na picture of her hand with her engagement ring while holding Laurence hands habang tanaw ang Aurora Borealis. I smiled weakly kasi natupad niya ang isa sa mga bucketlist ni Eli, ang makapunta sa Iceland to chase the Northern Lights. And he made it extra special, he made it really memorable.
I sighed and inhaled a large amount of air then composed my self as I saw my cousin together with her husband entering the restaurant. Inilagay ko narin ang phone ko sa aking bag and waved at them. Pagkadating nila sa table, we hugged each other tightly and bumeso narin ako ky Anthony tsaka umupo na.
"I thought apat tayo?" i asked
"On the way pa siya couz, medyo natraffic ata." she answered and I only nodded as a reply
"Kamusta naman ang Prestige?" nagaalalang tanong niya
"Hmm, doing well. Marami rami naring costumers and we are slowly building our name na." I answered and smiled at her to assure her that everything is fine
"Basta ha, wag mong pababayaan ang sarili mo. You can always ask for our help or to your parents." dagdag niya pa
I immediately shook my head in my disagreement to her statement and said
"No, I want to prove to our family that passion can also be a profession." I declared with finality
She just smiled weakly knowing that I will not ask for her help right now, she knows that I am not that type of person, I want to build my own legacy. I want to make my family proud that I am also an asset to our family despite of practicing my passion than my supposed to be profession. I came from a family of CPA'S and they started doubting my capabilities when I decided not to take the Licensure Exam last year and chose to pursue my passion.
My father is a CPA Lawyer and built a firm himself and one of the well known firms here in Davao and my mother is a CPA too and my half sister na anak ni mom sa labas took Political Science and nag proceed sa Law kaya sila ni daddy ang nagkakasundo. That's why parang hindi sila saludo sa desisyon na aking pinili. Kaya naman I am proving a point here, that I can proudly say to them that I am successful despite of not being a Certified Public Accountant.
"Anyways, ano nga pala ang sasabihin mo?? That you are really happy and excited with?" tanong ko to divert the topic
"oh, that!! Any guess?" she said to me teasingly with her evil smile on
"Oh come on, pinapabitin pa eh. Spill" sabi ko naman
"You are no fun at all, Emerald. Hmp" sabi niya pa sabay irap
"But well, I am going to be a mother!!" maligayang sabi niya pa
Nanlaki ang aking mga mata sa gulat and my mouth was slightly opened due to shock and I don't know what I'm feeling, I feel so happy and excited.
"omg!! for real?? Gosh Congratulations Selena!! and ofcourse anthony!!" sabi ko pa sabay palakpak
"I am a tita soon!! omg omg omg" dagdag ko pa
"He's here." sabi ni Anthony na napatigil sa saya na aming nararamdaman at napatingin sa pintuan ng restaurant and nakita ang taong tinutukoy niya.
I was stunned when by the time I knew who the person we are waiting, and he's the no other than Laurence himself joining our dinner.
