HOLD ME

CHAPTER 1

Sherlock had disappeared.

Not disappeared in the sense of his usual disappearances. When Sherlock was nowhere to be found, he usually answered his phone after a few of Joan's calls. If he really needed to be alone, he'd text her saying so and perhaps letting her know where he was. In any case, Sherlock never disappeared without leaving any trace Joan could follow.

This time, however, Joan was frantic. She couldn't seem to find him anywhere, and she didn't know what else to do. Neither Marcus nor the Captain had answered her calls, she'd tried Alfredo, all his irregulars, she'd even gone to the lengths of calling Athena, but she hadn't been able to tell her where he was. She tried his phone one more time, all to no avail.

She mentally went through all the places he might've gone, from his usual meetings at St Luke's to following a lead of a new case she wasn't aware of... until her phone finally rang. It wasn't Sherlock but Marcus, close enough.

"Marcus!" she almost shouted, and lost no time in asking "do you know where Sherlock is?"

"Yeah, that's why I call you. He's here, at the precinct" Joan almost let a sigh of relief, when she picked up on Marcus' tone "Joan, get down here quick. He... I think you need to see this".

Joan didn't answer and she lost no time in grabbing her purse, coat and scarf and left the brownstone right away. She hailed a taxi and almost begged him to take her to the precinct as quickly as he could possibly drive. When she got to the station, almost out of breath for having climbed the stairs instead of waiting for the lift, Marcus was waiting for her at the hall, accompanied by Captain Gregson.

"Hey" Marcus said. His face wore a deep frown, he was half-hunched and he seemed distressed.

"Where is he?" she demanded, not feeling a little bit sorry for not even greeting her friends. She needed to see Sherlock.

"He's there, in that room" Gregson answered, signalling with his head "I tried to get in but he didn't want anyone in there, he's only been asking for you." He continued while Marcus led them towards one of the interview rooms, the closest to the lift, she noted. She noticed the blinds had been closed, and she heard some noises coming from inside, but couldn't exactly tell what it was. Marcus stopped her before she could open the door "wait. Joan, he... something's happened to him"

"What?" she was beginning to lose her patience, neither Marcus nor the Captain were men prone to riddles or half-truths, but this time they were avoiding telling her something "what happened to him, Marcus?"

"We don't know, but... it's like he's... regressed somehow" Marcus said "he was fine one second and then I saw him suddenly scrunch his face up and run and hide in this room."

"I tried getting in, I tried talking to him... but he just won't let us in. He just wants you"

Joan nodded, highly concerned now, and took a deep breath before the Captain opened the door.

"Hey Sherlock?" the Captain used the softest, most comforting voice he could muster "Joan's here..."

"Jo-Joan?"

That did it for Joan. She could count with one hand the times that Sherlock had called her by her given name, so that was an indication that something was very wrong.

Her heart sank even deeper when she noticed that the muffled sounds she couldn't distinguish before were, in fact, sobs. Sobs coming from the only occupant in the room: Sherlock himself. Joan took a few tentative steps, and stopped suddenly when she noticed where Sherlock was.

He had curled up in the corner furthest away from the door, the room almost dark, and he had his knees close to his chest. There was no light in the room but Joan could see from the light coming in through the corridor that something was shining in his face, and saw with a churning of her stomach that there were tears. Sherlock had been crying, and she hadn't been there to stop it. The acute pain she felt in her chest left her almost breathless, for all the times Sherlock had cried, she had been there to help him work through it. But now, she hadn't.