HOLD ME

CHAPTER 5

Joan woke up the following morning with sounds of soft whimpering next to her. She opened her eyes, realizing she'd forgotten to draw the curtains the previous night, and saw Sherlock clutching at the pillow with one hand, his thumb firmly place in his mouth while he silently sobbed, saliva dripping out of his lips and down his hand. He must've lost the pacifier in his sleep and couldn't find it.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" she whispered sweetly, her hand moving towards one of his cheeks to dry his tears, but Sherlock just sobbed. His eyes were closed and as soon as he noticed Joan moving, he threw himself at her, grabbing her pyjamas tightly in his fingers, and she noticed he was shaking "hey, baby it's okay..."

She patted the nappy he had put on Sherlock the night before and realized it was wet to the point of leaking. That must've been what woke Sherlock up and made him cry, he was wet and uncomfortable.

"It's okay Sherlock, I'll change your nappy in no time" she cooed, and she tried to move, but Sherlock was having none of it. When she tried to get up Sherlock clutched at her with more force and his sobs, silent until now, became audible wailings. She couldn't say she hadn't been expecting some sort of breakdown like this, it was bound to happen, particularly after the ordeal they'd gone through the last couple of days and Sherlock fighting his urges. But it broke her poor caregiver heart to see him so distraught and desperate for contact and affection, it seemed to Joan as if he had lived without it for so long he felt he was going to drown without it now.

So, Joan sat down in the bed and drew the overgrown boy closer to her, shushing and whispering in his ear. She didn't know if Sherlock registered what she said, but she tried to maintain a reassuring, calming tone, knowing he was very attuned to her voice and its tonality. He allowed to sit on her lap and straddle her, his legs around her torso and his face hidden against his neck. She rubbed Sherlock's back while she embraced him tightly, rocking him back and forth and placing sweet kisses on his head and temple, giving him time.

When Sherlock was sufficiently calm, she ended their embrace but only to cup his face with both hands. His eyes were red-rimmed and full of tears, his face all wet and his nose had dripped mucus that was spreading to his hand along with saliva.

"Oh, Sherlock, yucky" she whispered. Reaching to the nightstand with one hand she grabbed paper tissues she knew Sherlock had and took a couple in her fingers. She gently used the tissues to dry his cheeks and eyes, applying just a slight pressure. Then she moved his hand away from his mouth, his thumb emitting a "plop" sound when she took it out of his mouth. He whimpered again, trying to put his thumb between his lips, but Joan shushed while she gently pushed the hand away.

"You're all yucky Sherlock. That's what the pacifier is for" she gently commented while she cleaned up his hand and face. She then took another paper tissue and placed it on Sherlock's nose "blow for me, sweetie"

Sherlock did and Joan used all the paper tissue left to wash away mucus and saliva from his face. Then she located the pacifier, half-hidden between both their pillows, and she picked it up and put it inside Sherlock's mouth, who started to suck with urgency.

"It's alright..." she whispered, smothering and playing with his hair. It was obvious he wasn't alright though, his eyes were still sad and scared, and while he wasn't sobbing anymore, he was emitting soft whimpers like a sad puppy even when sucking his pacifier. She held him a bit longer until she felt she could safely lay him back on the bed. She knew Sherlock needed reassurance that she wasn't going to leave, so she laid down next to him on the bed and passed her arm around his stomach, pulling him against her. He closed his eyes and suckled on the dummy, emitting soft sucking sounds that relaxed both of them.

"I'm going to change you, honey, you'll see you'll feel better. And then, we'll go to eat some breakfast, okay?" Sherlock didn't respond but he didn't move to clutch at her either, so she assumed it was safe enough to get up from the bed and pick up the essentials. Sherlock was extremely wet and she feared he would get a rash if she wasn't careful, so she picked some baby cream along with wipes and a new, clean nappy.