Love Is A Losing Game

3| Ghost of the past.

I remember a time when I was still married to Fredrick, we had one of our big fights...

Three years ago...

"Fred, there's no denying this one! I called her and she-" Fredrick was a pig. This was the seventh time I've caught him cheating in our marriage of three years.

Most people in my position would've left the first time he cheated or the second but I'm still here. I'm still standing by my vow to him meanwhile he isn't.

"You called her?" He yelled as he cut off my sentence. "Yes, I did. What did you expect?" I yelled back.

"I expect you to not act like a psycho stalking other women for no reason!" He walked up to me. Fredrick was five inches taller than me, which allowed him to tower over me.

"I have a reason!" I wasn't backing down from this argument. I hardly ever backed down from these arguments which is why he hit me. Almost a year into our marriage we had a heated argument about his quick infidelity and I didn't back down from that argument. He ended slapping me, hard.

"What's that reason? I was cheating? You don't even have proof," he seethed. "As a matter-of-fact I do. Estrella? Your Porto Rican puta told me the shit you've been doing," I seethed with a look of disgust directed towards him.

"Are you stalking me?" He wrapped his large hand around my neck and applied a bit of pressure. "No, but that doesn't mean I didn't have someone check if you held up to your vows," I shrugged.

My nonchalance seemed to anger him as he increased pressure around my neck eventually making breathing harder. "Don't be a bitchy wife, Tommy. I don't like that," he lifted me higher than my feet could barely touch the ground. "I'm the lawyer here, don't be a smartass," he threw me across the room.

My body landed with a hard thud as my head hit the floor hard. With a beaming pain in my head, I fell unconscious...

Present-day...

"Fredrick," I blinked the horrible memories away. "Tommy?" He squinted his eyes for a minute as if to make out if it really is me. "It really is you, huh?" He chuckled a bit.

"Yep, it's me, Tommy," my voice couldn't even bother to sound warm or friendly because after all, he is the reason I'm like this.

"What are the odds," he smiled widely and turned to someone behind him, "Babe, look who it is. It's Tommy," a redheaded woman turned from behind him to take a look at me.

My face remained emotionless while Rebecca's-who is now a redhead-widen in surprise.

"Hey, Rebecca," I greeted with nothing more than a wave with a vodka bottle in my hand.

"Well, what are the odds," she said while she rubbed her protruding stomach with the hand that has an incredibly large diamond ring on it.

"You guys are engaged? And expecting?" I felt like crawling into a dark hole and staying there forever. It hurt seeing Fredrick this happy with another woman. Seeing him treating her the way she deserves to be, the way I deserved to be treated.

"Oh, yes! It's a girl. Fredrick is somehow more excited than I am," she held his arm lovingly. He looked down at her with so much love in his eyes and gave her a small kiss on the forehead.

"That's amazing. I'm so happy for you guys," my words very kind but my voice was anything but. "Really? Doesn'tsoundd like it," Rebecca retorted. She was trying to stomp down on me. I just shrugged in return.

"What about you?" She raised an eyebrow. "What about me?" I raise no too. Rebecca was pulling a string from the wrong person because after what I've been through, she'd definitely regret it.

"Any boyfriends, significant other? A baby even or are you just...miserable?" I let out a humourless chuckle.

"Listen, Rebecca. I'm not those type of divorced women who lie about how they're life has been since the split so I'll be straight with you. I have no significant other because that man you claim to love beside you killed the warm loving Tommy that everyone knew. I can barely even smile at my own mother because of all the abuse that man put me through. And look at me," I gestured up and down my body.

"I've been so skinny, I weigh less than I did when I was in freaking high school, and I'm thirty years old. Thanks for the happy birthday, Fred," I sarcastically retorted to Fredrick as he looked down at the floor in shame. "So Rebecca, come, bitch around me all you want, act like you're better than me just because you got the good version of Fredrick. I don't see the same man you see. I see a monster, a pig, a murderer," I seethed.

Rebecca fell quiet with an open mouth. "I-I'm so sorry," I shook my head.

"Don't be. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get wasted with the people I love and know won't break me," I turned back to the shelf and with a shrug, I put ten bottles of vodka in the basket.

Heading to the candy section I found Jess and Risa waiting for me.

"What took you so long?" Jessie questioned. "Ran into Fredrick and his new fiancé, Rebecca," I picked out a couple of sweets for the kids.

"Wow, that bitch?" I nodded. "She was basically flaunting how much better he is now that they're together. She's pregnant by the way," we started walking to the cashier.

"You lie," Larissa retorted and I shook my head. "Not even," I replied. "Did he at least wish you a happy birthday?" I shook my head again. "But I did refreshen his mind on that," we reached the front of the line started paying.

"Wow, must've been tense. Did you give them the impression that your life is so much better without him," Jessie questioned and I sighed deeply as we made our way out.

"No, because then I'd be lying and I didn't want to seem even more pathetic than I already am," I unlocked the car and trunk letting it open by itself.

"But you're not pathetic, T," Larissa disagreed. "Yeah, I live alone in a house that seven rooms a large basement and kitchen and huge yard. Oh, not to mention how I work non-stop to avoid the loneliness and sadness of divorce. And my family bombards my house every week to make sure I haven't committed suicide," my voice drips of harsh sarcasm which makes the girls look at me with deep frowns.

"Wow, Tommy," Larissa whispers to herself. "Okay, that's it! We're going out next Saturday and you can't say no because it's official!"

"Oh come on, you know I hate that stuff," I whined but Jessie and Larissa only shook their heads in disagreement. "You used to love it, Tommy. If you want the old you back you have to get back into her habits," she said and I sighed in defeat.

I guess she was right but I don't think anything can bring that old Tommy back.

"Fine, I'll go."