4cm Apart pt 1 [OIKAWA X IWAIZUMI] 18+ yaoi

Are we meant to be?

"I will stop playing volleyball if we don't go to the same college" said oikawa after we lost the quarters against karasuno.
We cried a lot because losing obviously sucks  and the last thing  he said after our crying session was this. " I am planning to leave Miyagi Oikawa. I want to study computer science at Tokyo. You know by now that I am not a genius like you, I can't depend on volleyball my whole life.  and after all we decided travel to whole world after I start earning so, I need money. Oikawa  you are better off staying in Miyagi."
"You don't get to decide where I'm supposed to go, I want to play with you more and more." Said oikawa. "I can never win against you huh. Let's go, we have to fill in our choices tomorrow, we are the only ones left"
Oikawa patted my head and smiled, "see you tomorrow iwa chan"

I'm pretty sure I cried when he said iwa chan.
I'm desperate.Leaving Miyagi and finally losing all the connection with oikawa was what I was aiming for. We are neighbours so it will be pretty hard to not meet him completely. But I want him to call me iwaizumi once again. As far as I can remember, I've liked oikawa. And he was so cute when we were kids, but look at him now, he got taller than me but he is still bashful and still not aware. Well, it's not like I'm planning to ever confess him but in the past I used to think as long as oikawa is shorter than me I can take care of my feelings alone,I wanted to be taller than him. He had his fair share of girlfriends who were obviously shorter than him, that's why I wanted to be taller. But last year, he hit his growth spurt and we have a 4cm difference between us.

All the more reason why I want to stay away from him. He always prioritizes me over his girlfriends, he replies me text almost instantly, he makes me bentous every week, calls me iwa chan which is totally hot and pats my head like he does to his girlfriend, which is bad for my heart. I thought getting a girlfriend would make it easier to forget him, but I can't get it "up" unless I can sneak peek at oikawa's window. I know I am a pervert and disgusting but I don't know how to change, I can't give up on him and I don't want to move on. At the end of the day, I have to accept the fact that oikawa is straight and likes girls with big boobs who talks cutely and certainly not me, who is a man, my voice is deep and I always kick him or bad mouth him. I can never let oikawa know that I actually love it when he pats my head, calling me iwa chan and obviously the little things he does that makes me feel special, on the contrary I feel like, once I start accepting his gestures, he'll know how I feel and be disgusted. This is the last thing that I want. If I'm his friend, he'll talk with me everyday, tell me his complaints, share how his girlfriend isn't treating him right, how much he misses his ex girlfriend's boobs and
and as we grow older, he'll tell me about his job, his volleyball rivals, his hatred for ushijima, and how he'll fall in love normally to a beautiful woman and marry her after few months, and probably ask me to be his best man, and later I'll be the one who hears about his kids first and like way we will be friends forever. I'm abnormal but he isn't. That's the one thing I must always remember.

As I remind myself this, I go back to sleep, crying to my pillow and a soft toy that he gave me when we were in  middle school in an arcade, who would have thought a guy like me would still hold on to the soft plushie his guy friend gave him. Being in love is hard huh. I felt like I cried more than ever that night, my eyes were puffy the next morning. And the remorse and joy of being together with oikawa once again haunts me.

The next morning we filled in our choices and obviously I had discussed with my parents before, but they will be delighted if they knew that oikawa is also coming with me. His mom told my mom whilst we were at school and our parents decided we should rent an apartment together. If only being together with oikawa in college wasn't enough, we were supposed to be together all the time. I could oppose them but deep down I wanted to be together with him, till he tells me that he doesn't want to.

"We are going to stay together huh iwa chan, it's going to be so much fun" said oikawa while we were returning from school. "Be my partner once again iwa chan, let's play volleyball once again, let me toss to you once again, we don't have to work for a competition or anything, I'm happy of you hit my tosses everyday. Let me toss to you iwa chan" he said gleaming under the moonlight, with a smile so bright that I felt like crying. He shouldn't know that I'm such a crybaby, maybe we were meant to meet not to be.
"Let me spike your tosses again" I said as I felt my heart sinking.
"Huh? Iwa chan?? Aren't you going to call me shittykawa or something? Are you sick?"
He said. I can't call him that when I'm about to cry my ass off, can I? "Get going shittykawa" I said as I sniffed a little. I drowned myself in my shower that night.
It's so hard now, how will it be once we live together. His eyes that are so easy to get lost in, and my eyes that are always ready to take the fall.
The 4 centimeters are what I'll wish for, if I saw a shooting star. I love you oikawa.