Pigfarts-A Percy Jackson and Harry Potter Crossover

Talking To Yourself Is The First Sign Of Insanity

Talking To Yourself Is The First Sign Of Insanity

I do not own PJO or Harry Potter. If I did Apollo would be banned from saying poems of any kind and Drarry would have happened.

A/N: I'm pretty sure all demigods are already insane. At least partially anyway. Except for Annabeth, she's sane.

Percy sighed happily as he munched down on another blue cookie. He was sitting in the cupboard under the stairs. Since he'd moved into the cupboard he had begun decorating it as best as he could. The cobwebs had been removed and any spiders he'd seen had been immediately murdered (they were Arachne's kids, after what had happened he couldn't just let them stay alive). The cupboard was now painted a calming sea-green and he'd replaced the old blanket that was barely a blanket (it had been incredibly thin and there were multiple holes in it) with Dionysus duvet (he'd got it via bribery with blue cookies). Now the tiny space was 60% duvet, 7% pillow, 28% Percy and 5% blue. It needed more blue.

Five minutes later Percy squeezed out of the cupboard so he could look in and admire his handiwork. He'd turned the duvet and pillow blue. He'd also turned himself blue in the process (he'd used a can of permanent – unless you have the special chemical to counter it's effects – instant-drying blue paint that the Stolls had sold him, they'd given him something to get rid of it too but it wasn't like he was going to use it so he'd given it to Leo to blow up). Percy didn't mind being blue. In fact, he quite enjoyed it. So Percy decided to stay blue for the time being.

A few minutes later the bit of Percy's brain which was responsible for being sensible spoke up. 'We have to go for the thingy today.'

'What?' The rest of Percy's brain questioned the tiny part of it which was sensible.

'The thingy, we're going out.' The sensible bit said. 'I don't know where to, ask memory, but we have to unblueify ourself.'

The bit which remembered stuff yawned (it relied on Annabeth most on the time so it could sleep). 'Um, it's that thingy at the zoo.' Memory beamed, glad he had remembered something important.

'No you idiot, we're going to the aquarium.' The part of Percy's brain that talked to fishes corrected. 'You're not very good at your job.'

Memory huffed. 'If you're so smart, why don't you do it.'

'I would but I have a much more important job to do.'

'Remembering stuff is important!' Memory exclaimed.

'Not when Annabeth does it for you.' The part which was obsessed with Annabeth said dreamily. 'I love Annabeth, she's so amazing and smart and beautiful and great at kicking ass.' The rest of Percy's brain made noises of agreement. 'And she's so scary but that makes her even more beautiful and she's such a good strategist and...' The Annabeth-Obsessed part continued as the rest of Percy's brain ignored him.

'What were you guys talking about?' The ADHD part hadn't been paying attention (not surprising).

'We're going to an aquarium later, we need to get that thing the Stolls gave as so we can unblueify ourselves.'Sensible said.

'No.' The blue bit of Percy's brain had decided to speak up. 'We stay blue.'

'We need to unblueify so we can go to the aquarium.' Sensible said.

'No'

'Blue, please. Be sensible for once!'

'That's your job, not mine and I wanna stay blue.' The blue part insisted. 'We stay blue!'

Sensible tried to think of a way to convince Blue. If he could get the rest of the brain to agree with him they would outsize blue (in the brain the biggest parts normally win the arguments. The biggest parts in Percy's brain were currently Blue, Annabeth-Obsessed, OhLookThere'sAPointyAndPotentiallyDeadlyObjectLet'sTouchIt, AnnabethIsVeryScary and IWannaBeAWizard). How to convince the rest of the brain? Sensible had an idea of how to do it.

'Guys, if we stay blue we won't be able to go to the aquarium until Annabeth comes and unblueifies us. That would make Annabeth mad. We don't want Annabeth mad, do we?' Sensible felt like a teacher trying to convince some kindergarteners to stop eating their crayons.

'Sensible's right, we don't want Annabeth mad!' AnnabethIsVeryScary addressed the rest of Percy's brain. 'I say we unblueify and go to the aquarium, we can see the fishies!' There was a general noise of agreement at his words and Blue grudgingly backed down (because no one wants an angry Annabeth).

'Where's the bottle the Stoll's gave us?' ADHD asked. There was a silence as Percy's Brian thought.

'Um... I think we gave it to Leo?' Memory said hesitantly.

'It's probably exploded by now.' Blue said, sounding slightly happy.

Sensible sighed in exasperation. 'It looks like we'll have to deal with an angry Annabeth. This is all Blue's fault.'

'Hey! No it's not, if anything it's yours!' Blue glared at Sensible.

'I told you all we should have just left the cupboard as it was, but no one ever listens to me!' Sensible exclaimed. 'You all had to side with Blue –'

'– because the colour blue is amazing.' Blue interrupted.

'– and now we will have to deal with an angry a Annabeth! I'm going to bed, don't ask me for help when you guys get in trouble.' Sensible disappeared from the conversation.

'Guys?' AnnabethIsVeryScary spoke up softly. 'Is Annabeth gonna be really mad?'

'Probably.' Annabeth-Obsessed said. 'She's so cute. Have you seen those new owl earrings she got? They look amazing on her and she always looks great no matter what and I love her so much because she's an amazing architect. I mean, she designed Olympus. OLYMPUS! It looks even better then it did when we first saw it. She's so smart and amazing and I wanna get married to her and have kids and oh my gods I would love to have little Annabeth's running around I bet they'd be so cute and adorable –'

"There are enough brats as it is." Dionysus' voice interrupted Percy's brain.

"Huh?" Percy said dazedly. "What you talking about?"

Dionysus was looked at him weirdly (probably because he was blue). "I said, we don't need any more brats. You have babies and I'll turn them into dolphins." Dionysus headed towards the open doorway. "You know, as the god of insanity, wine, parties and other stuff, I can confirm that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

"Was I talking to myself?" Percy asked his brain.

'Yes, yes you were.'

"Is Mr.D right? Am I going insane?"

'You were always crazy.'