Yizhan/Zhanyi Oneshots

Come Back, I Still Need You

Yibo

I woke up sweating hard and gasping with tears rolling freely down my cheeks. I wipe the tears off my face nd went into the bathroom. It's still too early but I can't sleep anymore. Looking at my reflection, I saw how horrible I looked. Dark bags under my eyes, swollen red puffy eyes, red nose and cheeks. I looked like hell.

This has been happening to me every night. I would get nightmares... no more like memories of the past. The past in which Xiao Zhan was still with me. Where he was still my best friend but everything between us changed the day Wen Qing came into our lives. We were both so happy back then.

I haven't even known that Xiao Zhan was sceretly in love with me. I was a very handsome guy that every girl and boy in our university likes me. And I was an idiot not to see the feelings my best friend has for me. The feelings which is more than what friendship has. The moment Wen Qing entered our lives I fell for her which is my biggest mistake.

I even asked Xiao Zhan to help me into courting her. That was one of the many mistakes I want to fix but it's too late now.

I was too late to realize my fucking feelings.

Too late to let him know how I truly felt about him.

Too late to changed every single things I've fucking done wrong.

And more importantly...

I was too late to save him from dying.

Our friendship fell apart as I lost time with Xiao Zhan. I became more focused on pleasing Wen Qing, making her happy that I didn't even notice how my best friend was suffering silently. After graduation, that was finally the time I lost contact with him. I've only heard that he left Beijing and went back to Chongqing.

But aside from that, I didn't do anything else. I tried contacting Fanxing, Xiao Zhan's cousin but he didn't give me an answer either. It was a year later when I finally heard about Xiao Zhan but this time it was also for the last time.

When Xiao Zhan found out about Wen Qing and I getting engaged he tried killing himself by cutting his arms. Fanxing found him on time and saved his life. And that's when he finally contacted me asking if he and I could talk. The date he gave was the same as Wen Qing's birthday so I didn't make it.

I couldn't see Xiao Zhan that day since Wen Qing didn't allowed me to leave. That was what I regretted the most. The next day something goes viral on the internet and also on the news. It was all about a guy who jumped from the rooftop of the hospital. My blood run cold once I heard of the guy's name.

I wanted to rush to Chongqing after finding out that Xiao Zhan killed himself. But Wen Qing again didn't agree to it. She wanted me to stay by her side and that's when I finally snapped. I yelled at her and didn't think twice and just broke our engagement. I flew to Chongqing and there, I saw Xiao Zhan inside a cascet.

He was still the same beauty that everyone would fall for except the idiot young me. I didn't see the beauty that I saw now. I cried hard that time, yelling at Xiao Zhan to wake up but I got nothing. Fanxing gave me a cold glare before asking me to leave.

A few days later and Xiao Zhan was buried 6 feet under. And I became even more miserable. Wasting my life, I also quit being an actor, left my group and friends. I isolated myself from the world, always reading Xiao Zhan's letters that Fanxing gave me.

I felt like an empty shell of who I used to be. I disappeared from the people's eyes, living in the apartment Xiao Zhan and I used to share together. The whole apartment was filled with take out foods, noodles and water bottles. My health wasn't good either as I've always eaten unhealthy foods for months.

My friends who finally found me tried everything to make me come out of hiding. They even told me that Wen Qing was looking for me but I didn't care about her especially when I found out that she was after my fortune all along.

If I could turn back time then I would've changed the past already. Making sure to never love Wen Qing and instead love the person who's always been by my side even though he was hurt already. I would turn back time to the time when Xiao Zhan and I are still happy together. Doing things like a real couple does. Letting each other taste each others food, sleep on the same bed and even shower together at times.

The times where we would joke around with each other.

Tease each other.

Help each other when there's trouble.

Those times where it's only Xiao Zhan and I. No Wen Qing to ruin our lives.

If this were to really happen I would make Xiao Zhan the happiest man alive. I'll love him like there's no tomorrow, giving him kisses, hugs and pampering him like he was supposed to be. I would even give him the world if he wished for it. I'll do anything for him. But all that are just my wishful thinking.

I look at the small table full of unopened along with opened letters from Xiao Zhan. I found out that while Xiao Zhan was suffering he kept his feelings hidden and wrote them on the pieces of papers scatterd on the table. He hid all those letters in a box which Fanxing found and gave to me as one paper indicated that the letters are for me.

I took away the remaining letters that Xiao Zhan wrote for me. It's too painful to read it all without breaking down and trashing the whole place. I decided to lock the letters away for good and try to forget about Xiao Zhan but it was too damn hard.

Not when I found a letter which is a poem talking all about me and the reasons why Xiao Zhan loves me.

After reading the poem over and over again I finally decided to end my misery. I took out a box cutter and prepared myself. With one last look at the poem I cut myself deep enough to really kill me. Slowly I slid down onto the floor that's now getting stained by blood as I look at a huge painting of Xiao Zhan infront of me.

Tears rolled down my face as I look at my beautiful creation. With bloody hands I trace his left eye creating a tear made out of blood. My blood. Slowly I felt my head get lighter. My vision was starting to blur. With one last look at my loved ones beautiful face I finally took my last breathe. A ghost of a smile was plastered on my face.

______________________________________

"Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you"
~Chord Overstreet~