The Tassel Senpai

Chapter 2

You wake up in a flaking used-to-be puddle of blood. You think-no, scratch that. You KNOW you're an idiot for doing that. You could have just pinched yourself *cliché*! You stand up, and start to clean up the idiotic-ness up off the floor. It leaves a faint red spot where the blood had been. YOLO! You walk past the mirror and notice how much blood had actually soaked into you clothes and hair! You're utterly discussed.
==> take a shower
You head up stairs and take a shower, then get dressed. You head outside to burn you blood soaked clothes along with all you precious family photos. What! You have to keep the fire burning somehow for the hobos in you backyard! You go back inside as the backyard hobos huddle to the fire. You walk around you house aimlessly for about an hour. Then your stomach starts to growl, you fix yourself a 5 course meal of pasta, chicken soup, 2 pound steak, chinchilla, and live octopus. You eat it all up somehow and your eyes start to fall, right before you fall asleep, you hear a knock at the door to the rhythm of "Frozen". You open the door and find that it's you neighbors daughter. Oh boy this annoying little shit! You look at the gigantic plate of cookies she is holding... You look around to see if anyone is watching, there is no one around. You take the plate of cookies and kick her across the street in one swift movement. When she lands on the ground on the other side of the street about 60 ft any, she doesn't move. You feel no regret and shove a well deserved cookie into you mouth. You eat 25+ more cookies. You had forgotten you ate a ginormous lunch and you threw up all over the floor. WTF IS WRONG THIS YOU!?!? First you bleed all over the floor then you throw up everywhere?!?! How could this get any worse *cliché*. As soon as you said this you have explosive diarrhea... Everywhere. It covered the floor and walls, and some of the ceiling. The stench of everything swam up your nose. It was so bad it made you barf again covering more surface than the last one. You can hardly believe you eyes! The barfy shit combo covered almost every inch of your foyer. You gave up and called it quits and headed to bed covered in barf and shit. You really didn't care.
You wake up and find that the entire place was perfectly clean in every way! In your kitchen, there was a 6'2", bearded, extraordinarily sexy man sitting at your kitchen table drinking a cup of coconut water. You don't even know where the coconut water came from. You decide not to question it because Senpai extraordinaire was right in front of you. He motions for you to have a seat in front of you. "How did he even get in my house and clean this all up!?!" You thought. You decide not to question this also. You sit down in front of him and puts a cup out of no were, takes one of his nipple tassels off and squirts milk into my cup out of his nipple. You got all hot and bothered just by looking at it all happen. You take the cup graciously and started to take sips of his man-milk. It was fresh squeezed, and had a warmth to it. It had a hint of vanilla and was really sweet, it had a comforting feeling to it. He stared at you with his fudge brownie eyes. He was so seductive you could barely take it anymore! He had to be sending signals right?!?! Debating whether to leap across the table and tackle him and MAKE ALL THE BABIES on the spotless floor or to take it up to the bedroom. You decide to wait it out, but it was always on the back of your mind. 10 minutes of causal talking goes by and there is a sudden silence, he leans over and kisses you softly on the lips. Your body ached for more. As he pulls away you kiss him back harder this time. As you hold the kiss you scoot around the table and straddle him, you can feel the tassel on his thong press into you, he softly bites you bottom lip asking for entrance. Then the door bell rang. FUCK! You had totally forgot your parents were coming over today! You break the kiss and whisper "parents". Senpai stands up so quickly you're perpended forward and fall on the ground hard. You try to hold the tears back while Senpai throws the mugs at the screen door fucking up the door, then he dolphin dives though the nearest window fucking that up too. You didn't care because all you could think about was how bad your ass was in pain and how his nipple tassels looked immaculate in the process of breaking everything in arms reach. You remember you parents are at the door and you run over trying your best not to fall or look stupid. You take a deep breath and slap a fake smile on your face like you weren't about to MAKE ALL THE BABIES and Senpai flew out the window. As you greet your parents inside you see Senpai about 30 ft away flying using his nipple/thong tassels. God! Why does he have to look so sexy all the time! You hurry inside, and the first thing you see is you parents awestruck at the window, screen door and mug murder scene. You say it's nothing and brush it off but you parents don't believe you, but don't question it. You take their stuff up stairs and put it in the guest room. As you drop their stuff on the bed the zipper unexpectedly breaks and the lid of the suitcase flys open fully. You're utterly shocked by what's inside, a extremely wide and long dildo, fuzzy handcuffs, sexy costumes, a book labeled "make sex better!" And an assortment of other stuff you'd rather not mention... You frantically try to close the suitcase but nothing worked! Then you hear 2 sets of foot steps going up the staircase. You have a panic attack and decide to close it the best of your abilities and run to your bedroom and go into you bathroom and lock the door pretending to go to the bathroom. You hear you parents talk, but you could only get the gist, "do you think she saw?" "I don't think so." YES! Your plan worked! You wait till they go down stairs and slip out of the bathroom and head down stairs.