How I Ruined Everything By Saying It Out Loud - Lan Xichen x Jiang Cheng

[6]

this is one of the books im most proud of, it's gained so much love and support even when i don't update and the love is amazing! thanks guys <3

sorry for late update LOL, no preview of this before it went out. been really busy.

merry Christmas!

"How?"

"A miracle," Wen Qing says truthfully, and there's hurt in her eyes when she looks at him. "They... they burned me, Jiang Gongzi. Do you know how that feels? To be cooked alive? It starts out with it just being a little too hot for comfort, and then flames lick your boots and crawl up your clothes until they sear into your skin. They burned me alive. They didn't even let me see Wen Ning before I died."

Jiang Cheng doesn't move, doesn't move to console her because he doesn't have the right. Wen Qing smiles, and it sends chills up his spine because it's weak. It's nostalgic, and it's tragic in its own way.

The least he can mutter out is a— "I'm sorry." It's pathetic, he knows, Wen Qing doesn't speak, and they sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Let me help you," Jiang Cheng reasons. Perhaps it's the shame, the hate, the anger talking, or perhaps its the first few pages of a new chapter in Jiang Cheng's life where he doesn't have to scavenge to survive and hurt others to avoid being hurt. "I can help you find Wen Ning, too."

Wen Qing nods, and her eyes are misty. She turns away for a moment to recompose herself, and when she's done she turns back to say.

"The gods brought me back for a reason, Jiang Cheng," Wen Qing's eyes are fiery. "He brought me back for a reason, and you need to help me find out what it is."

Jiang Cheng nods because it's the least he can do for her. After the events that transpired at the Nightless City, this might be the only time he will ever be able to repay her, and somehow, Jiang Cheng finds some relief in being able to comfort her in this way. He's never been good at showing his emotions anyway.

-

He's late to meeting Lan Xichen. The older opens the door and smiles at him, Jiang Cheng returns a grimace of a smile back and steps inside. The room hasn't changed, and Jiang Cheng doesn't know what he was expecting. He seats himself at the table, Lan Xichen following him as he hears the rustle of clothing.

"How are the meetings?" Lan Xichen asks as he sits himself across Jiang Cheng, pouring the other hot tea.

Jiang Cheng swallows hard as to avoid ranting to the other about how annoying and stubborn the other sect leaders are, he's sure Lan Xichen gets the memo though since his eyes twinkle and Jiang Cheng shrugs. "It's alright."

The topic of Wen Qing lies at the edge of his tongue. But he's not sure whether he can even trust Lan Xichen. Dead people don't just come back alive, at least, not like Wen Qing. They come back in different bodies, or they come back not quite the same like Wen Ning. But Wen Qing is the same, for the most part, Huaisang has to know, since she's one of the Nie's underlings. He briefly wonders what she's telling him before he drifts back to their conversation.

So he decides his next words carefully.

"I thought I saw Wen Qing today," he treads carefully. He would like to think him and Lan Xichen are friends, but he's experienced betrayal before, from people closer.

Lan Xichen stiffens. "The Wen girl? The one that studied here when you did?"

Jiang Cheng nods, and Lan Xichen unfreezes. He seems to soften in every aspect, and when he looks at Jiang Cheng again, there's something that reminds him vaguely of pity.

"Oh Wanyin," he talks like he's babying someone. "It's common to dream about someone you miss."

It feels different from before, it doesn't feel like pity, and even if it is, there's no harm in letting himself be treated delicately every once in a while, right? But when Jiang Cheng looks up, there's a faraway look in Lan Xichen's eyes, and suddenly, he doesn't feel at home anymore.