Written in the stars (Behzinga)

2. walking and wondering

Ethan PoV

Olivia just left after we woke up like 30 minutes ago. I have found myself lying in bed and sort of mourning the situation with a huge doubt in my mind. i can't help but feel guilty for what happened with us last night. i don't really regret it, we did have fun and Olivia seems like a really great girl. she is really chill about things, and funny with a great sense of humor and just seems like someone i could get along with really well.

i do think that if we didnt have no strings then i would call her and we would have spent a lot of time together. and maybe we could have worked in the long run, who knows. i guess we never will

Olivia PoV

it's the 'morning after' and i just left Ethan's place. now i am walking down the street on my way to get the tube. its rainy and my hair is messed up from the wind but i kept walking without worrying about it. usually i would be shivering because i am not wearing a coat and its January in London but i can feel a sense of warmth around me.

i think i was more invested in the emotional side of this than i thought. i know we agreed on just one night, with no strings. but part of me can't help but wonder if we should have done things differently. instead of asking him to sleep with me then i could have asked him out for drinks another time and see how it would have went. he seems like my type and he is so lovely. and funny. and sweet.

why does this always happen to me. i fall in love way too easily and always end up getting hurt somehow.

all i want from life is to just find someone that i love and who loves me back the same way, even for my flaws. for us to date and then just live a happy life together.

meet each others families. laugh and smile everyday with them. celebrate the big things. and even to mourn the bad news and support each other during the hard times. go on holidays, adventures. grow mentally and emotionally because of each other. 

and then we can eventually settle down, buy a house in a little town, get married and have some kids. then we can love them and watch them grow up into people that we love almost more than each other and then we grow old together. and even as old people we laugh everyday and still love each other the same way

now i think about it, it sounds so hard to do and basically unrealistic at this point. i might just be alone forever.