PAIN & HOPE
"Time and tide waits for none". I found the true meaning of this proverb after I faced my demons . You might think that this is irrelevant right now. But, trust me. You will realize it.
How does it feel to be an outcaste?? How does it feel to be a victim for 2 years?? How does it feel when your demons haunt you every single day?? How does it feel when your body is the cause for all your depression??
You know guys, I used to have big lips in my school days and I still do. I never knew back then that my lips will be the cause for all my problems. But thanks to that, I have learned a lesson for my life that we should never stick to the past.
......6 years ago......
"Hey Louis!! Why don't you come to the party this evening??", he asked. "Sure Chris!!", I replied. Later that evening, I was having fun when I suddenly ran into a guy. "Hey FAT LIPS!! Don't you mind your space??", he said in a hateful tone.
.......A moment of silence......
Everyone started to laugh at me and I don't know the reason. "Cut it out!! It's embarrassing. Don't laugh!!", I yelled at them as everyone started to shout, "Fat lips!! Fat lips!! Fat lips!!".
In anger, I flipped a table and they were calm as the depth of the ocean. I left the place with a dejected look in my face. I have never encountered such a situation in my life as I felt depressed.
My heart felt like a dead weight unable to do anything. Who would have thought that the next day of the school would become my nightmare. There was a drawing of a boy with big lips pointing my name. I heard everyone shouting at me when they saw me. "Hey fat lips!! Can you tell us the secret behind your fat lips??".
Everyone started to laugh at me. I was so filled with disbelief that I froze there like a corpse. Tears dripped from my eyes like a veil. "Please stop this...wah...hah...I can't take it guys!!", I squealed at them. They never stopped and I ran from there. "How did it end up like this?? What have I done wrong??", I debriefed myself while sobbing in the washroom.
Who could have known that depression has such a negative impact on me that I had dreams of the incident every night. Every now and then I was bullied and made fun of but, I didn't had the strength to fight back.
But, there is always a solution for every troubles. I didn't realize it until a certain someone showed up. "Why don't you show some resistance Louis ??", I heard a gentle voice. "Who is that?? If you are here to make fun of me, then go ahead", I replied her in a remorseful tone.
"I would never hurt a friend you dummy!!", she said. I turned to look who was that. "Who are you??", I questioned her. "Don't you remember me?? I am Victoria. You helped me when I was new to school", she added. I had a vague memory of who she was but I was not in a state to talk to her. So I said her, "If you want to talk to me that bad, why don't you wait at the park near the school??".
When school was over, she took me with her to the park to talk. "You know...I was there during the party", she started the conversation. "Is that so??", I asked in a sullen tone as I didn't want to hang around with anyone.
"I know you hate everyone. But, don't do the same to me!!", she said in a passionate tone. "I don't hate anyone. I only hate myself ". "I know you are depressed . But, you shouldn't hate yourself", she said. I burst into tears and yelled at her, "You don't know the pain of being an outcaste and being a plaything for others!!".
"I do understand your pain Louis!! I have been through the same!!", she cried as she revealed her face that was hidden under her bangs. There was a scar due to fire on the left side of her face. Suddenly , I remembered her with tears flowing down my eyes like rain.
"Y...you are the new admission girl??", I questioned . She skipped the answer and hugged me and said, "You must have been through a lot. It must have been depressing and painful!! But , you know, there is always HOPE no matter what!! You must never dwell in the past and get depressed over it. If you let your demons consume your time, you will be left only with wounds in your soul".
Her voice was like the voice of an angel. Her touch had such divinity that it made my tears stop form dripping . "I am sorry!! I have made you do these things", I said as I backed from her. "Don't be. I did it so you can feel better", she added as she smiled at me through her tears.
"Don't forget that if you are depressed ever again, I will always be there to embrace you so that you never become depressed ever again". Those words from her stormed their way through my heart. It was warm inside my heart that my hearts became heavy filled with hope.
After those events in the park, I didn't bother much about the comments on my lips as I embraced that part of mine.
I never knew depression was escapable until she shattered my worries with hope. Hope is the only way to overcome the worries that bothers us. I also realized that depression could be so stressful that I had to wear glasses for the rest of my life.
So guys, from my point of view, depression is all about clinging to traumatic event that hurt you. If you are hurt, the best medicine is sharing your pain. Never stay in the same state or you will lose your precious time.
Always here for you!!!!
With love,
Gokul V. Nathan.
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Non-Fiction"Can't you hear my silent screams? They are so loud they echo in my dreams. Behind this face that carries a smile Lies a dark road that goes on mile after mile. My silent screams have been going on for years, But it always falls on so many deaf ears...
