What a Beautiful Boy

Chapter Five

We walked back to my place hand in hand. I carried Paul's bag so he wouldn't have to. We finally got back to my place. We went into my room and got comfortable. Paul looked at me for a moment, right in the eyes. His eyes twinkled. Paul got closer to me, then gently pinned me to the wall. He placed his hands on my cheeks while I placed my hands on his waist.

"Kiss me," Paul whispered.

 I pulled him in closer and gently pressed my lips on the corner of his mouth. This time, I kissed him like there was no one else in the room. Well, I mean, there wasn't anyone else in the room, but, you get the point. Neither of us held back or hesitated. I really took in what was happening, and I knew, I would never forget it. I had always felt as though I liked boys, but until I met Paul, I was never sure. And kissing Paul made me know that I love boys. Only boys. The idea of kissing a girl discussed me. In fact, I hated the idea of kissing anyone other than Paul. I don't to say that Paul is mine, because I don't want to claim him or anything, but I will say that I am his as long as he wishes. And I knew, that even if Paul broke my heart, I would still love him. I would always love him. I know a lot of high schoolers say that, and never follow through, but, Paul is the reason I live. He's the flower I was destined to love and protect. He is the Sun, and I'm the Earth. Without him, I wouldn't live, I wouldn't thrive for anything. I would never get better without him. I didn't even need Paul to do anything. He just needed to keep shinning. And when his light burns out one day, so will mine. I would later find out that he needed me just as much as I needed him. Some would say that it's not good to need someone that much, or to give every part of you to one person. But, I say, when you feel like giving up on everything, and when you need something to live for, it's okay to do that. Even if I didn't need a reason to live, I knew that I would still give every part of myself to Paul. I don't want to live for my sake, that's stupid, in fact, I don't care about myself that much. Either way, I had Paul in my life, and that was enough. That's when I stopped kissing Paul. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. A few tears fell down my face. 

"Why are you crying, love?" Paul asked as he gently whipped my tears away with his thumbs. 

"I can't believe I finally have someone to live for." I responded, "Not just someone to live for. I have somebody to love, somebody to protect, somebody to respect,".

Paul grinned from ear to ear. He hugged me, and held me tight. I held him to. It was more than just a hug. I don't know how it could be more than a hug, because, it really was just a hug. I think it wasn't about the hug itself, it was the way it felt. It felt different. It felt better. It felt pure. Paul's words were even purer, 

"I will be yours and you will be mine as long as you promise to stay true. I'll be there for you, and you'll be there for me. I will put the rest of my life in your hands, so it better be a damn good life. Don't let me down John, I trust you." 

He trusts me

He said he trusted me

It was then I knew, I would marry James Paul McCartney. Not now. But one day. One bright sunny day, when the sky is a beautiful blue, with very few clouds. Even though I didn't want to wait, I would. I would wait all eternity if I had to. Paul said he wishes for me to be true, and I will be true. I will.

"As you wish, my love, as you wish," I replied.

I smiled. And this time, I wasn't smiling because of Paul, or for Paul. In fact, this time, It had nothing to do with Paul. It was all me. It was my choice to smile. 

Maybe this sounds crazy.

Especially coming from me. The queer bastard. The one that at one point wanted nothing more but to die. The one that blamed everything on himself. The one that took all his anger out on other people. The one that wouldn't do that anymore. The one that would be honest. 

What I was going to say, is...

I'm going to get better. 

And I'm going to be happy. 

Actually, I am happy. 

"It's been one hell of a Friday," I said to Paul.

"You can say that again, Johnny-boy," He replied.