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𝖡𝖾𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗀𝗂𝗇 𝖨 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 -toxicasszaria 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽 𝗆𝗒 𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗄! 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗂𝗍! 𝖦𝗈 𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖼𝗄 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗄 "𝖵𝖾𝗇𝗀𝖾𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾". 𝖭𝗈𝗐 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒.
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𝐉𝐚𝐝𝐚 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫
𝐄𝗺𝗼𝐫𝐲 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝗼𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 | 𝐀𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚, 𝐆𝐞𝗼𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚
𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐌𝐚𝐲 3
10:32 𝐚𝗺

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘐𝘵𝘴'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦.

I rocked back and forth in my seat as I sat in Deja and Eli's shared hospital room. Isaiah and Lucas sitting on either side of me.

"It should have been me" I mumbled, hoping that no one would hear. Eli and Deja were fast asleep, so the room was silent outside of the beeps from the monitor

I noticed Lucas staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"Jada, you good?" Lucas asked, curious.

"I'm doing alright" I spoke softly, staring down into my lap.

"Mmcht come outside, we gone talk for a minute"

"No I'm f-"

"Now Jada" he spoke sternly before getting up and walking out the door. I hesitantly followed him out of the room, shutting the door behind us.

"Jada you know damn well the fact that we can't find Nia, is not your fault" Lucas said, crossing his arms.

"Besides" he continued "it hasn't even been 24 hours, she probably left with someone else. I bet she's doing fine."

Lucas always tried to cheer people up and see the positive in things, which didn't always work. But I always appreciated his efforts.

"She's not fine Lucas." I said, my voice cracking "I've called her damn near 30 times. Something is up"

"We don't know that yet"

"But I do! I know my best friend! And I trust my intuition. Something is wrong!" I said a little bit louder than I attended to.

"I'm sorry Lucas" I sighed "You know I just worry a lot. I feel helpless, I have to find her"

Lucas pulled me into a tight hug.

"Go home Jada. Take care of yourself. Deja and Eli are fine, go home get some sleep"

"I-"

"Jada you're going home, no excuses. You know I love you like a sister. But you're so worried about taking care of everybody else"

"But at the end of the day... who gone take care you?"

I stood there in silence, I knew he was right. I've spent all my life running myself ragged trying to take care of everyone and everything. People tried to care for me, but I refused. I was afraid of becoming dependent, scared that they would pick up one day and leave. But that didn't stop me from being codependent in my relationship with Saint.