Chapter 3:
Screams.
That's all I could hear.
Harry was screaming across the hall, I guess screaming at the doctors, because I could hear them screaming too. The words were muffled and hard to make out between the door, and I really didn't feel like being more confused than I already was, so I just tried to block them out and focus on other things. Time slowly ticked by, first being seconds, minutes, and then an hour. What were they doing in there? The screaming had come to a stop atleast half an hour ago, couldn't they just send Harry home and come help me? After all, I was the one being hospitalized, not Harry.
Just as I thought I could take this boredom no longer, somebody walked in. This time, it wasn't a doctor. The person looked about in their 40's, wearing casual jeans and black jacket. Her hair had a greyish-blackish tint to it and fell to about her shoulders. She grinned at me, giving me an odd feeling. For the first time this day, I felt safe. It was like her smile had pushed all my worries away. Who was this woman?
"Hello Casidy. How are you today?" She started. Her voice was smooth and calming.
I studdered for a moment, not really sure how to answer that question. I suppose that she could see I was struggling, and helped me out by speaking again. "Oh, that's okay, at loss for words? Don't worry hun, I would be too if I was going through the same thing." I gave a quick nod of my head, to show I was listening. "Well, let me tell you more about myself. My name is Ms. Finklebern, and I'm a therapist. Do you know why you're here Ms. Casidy?"
I started to say something, but then I realized, I truely don't know why I'm here. I don't even know how I got here. "No....."
"That's okay. Now can you tell me if you remember anything from before you got here? Can you tell me something you did last week?"
What a stupid question, I thought. I searched my brain for what I did last week, anything. But for some reason, it wasn't there. I couldn't remember anything... and with that the terrifying feelings started coming back. "No.."
"Would you like me to tell you?"
"Um, yeah, I guess.."
"Casidy, you tried killing yourself."
Me? What? No. Nonono.... I would never kill myself... but would I? My head was spinning around and around and around, I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't know who to trust. Could I trust this random lady who comes in, pretending like she knows more about my life than I do? But does she? I don't know anything about my life either. For all I know I could have tried killing myself... I just need somebody to trust...
"You called your boyfriend, Harry, who was the guy who came to visit earlier, and left him a voicemail saying goodbye." She looked to the side and saw Harry's phone still laying on the ground from when he threw it. "Is this his?" I gave her a slight nod again, and she picked it up.
The second the voicemail started to play was the second I realize that my life is completley, utterly, no doubt about it, a huge mess. The voice actually was mine. And at that moment I started feeling suicidal again. I don't know how I got here, why I killed myself before, but if it was enough to make me try than I must've had some good reasons for it. My life will never get back on track again. All things beside, I just wanted to die. "Oh." It was all I could manage to say.
"Yes. So after hearing that message, Harry drove to your house and couldn't find you anywhere. He called the police and an ambulance quickly arrived. They ended up finding you, passed out, in your closet."
Great. Just great.
"So, they brought you in to the hospital, and you barely made it. There were multiple times where your heart probably should've stopped beating, but with the help of the expert doctors you had, it didn't."
I wish it did.
"But when people's hearts almost start beating, they don't just wake up and live normally again. No, no, they suffer some bad consequences, which I'm sure you can already see."
Obviously.
"The doctors predicted that you would lose your memory. So that's why Harry threw a fit when you said you didn't know who he was. Because he knew he lost you."
I've lost myself too.
