Swan Song

Chapter 46 - Fitz

Yes, I know. This is Fitz POV. But I figured I haven't done a chapter from his POV this entire time! I know a lot of you guys hate the guy, but he still needs some page time.

I didn't know what to feel.

About anything.

Life was just hectic now, and nothing seemed to go my way. 

We were losing. Not just the battle, but our friends. We lost Linh barely before losing Keefe. Guilt stung at the name. Why had I been so rude to my best friend? Yeah, I was jealous, but that was no excuse to ruin a friendship. Then the whole thing with Sophie. I no longer know exactly what I feel about her.

Everything was just becoming a jumbled mess in my mind. I wanted to tug it out and empty it of everything that had happened these past few years. The stress and anxiety of Alvar was enough to make me freak. When I found out he was dying I couldn't figure out what to feel.

All in all, I simply didn't know what to feel. Nothing seemed real anymore. Everything seemed like a long, crazy dream. 

I sighed as I flopped onto my large bed. A knock sounded at my door. I groaned. "What?" I called, my voice muffled my a pillow. 

My mother opened the door, "Are you okay, Fitz?" She asked carefully. I shrugged, not taking my face from the pillow. "Fitz, what happened?"

I groaned and sat up. "Sophie doesn't even like me anymore. Not even close to it. I think I ruined everything for us. I'm scared I ruined our friendship." I said it all remarkably calm, though guilt still stung my heart. My mother gasped and rushed over to sit on the bed right by me. "Is it weird that I feel worse about maybe losing our friendship then her not liking me anymore?" Why was everything so confusing?

"No. Not at all." My mother said in her soothing voice. "Sometimes we think we want one thing while we really just need another. When your father was dating Alina something like that happened to him. And a long time ago he had to let go of the girl he thought he loved. But overall, he had a happy ending. Don't you think? He got your sister, me, even Alvar. And he got you. So don't think that just because Sophie isn't the one doesn't mean theres another girl out there just waiting for you."

I scoffed, "There are certainly girls waiting. That doesn't exactly mean I'm in love with all of them and that there actually involve with me."

She smiled, "Someday I know you will find a girl who loves the real you, and you will love her back. But remember- its not all about power. I know you don't want to disappoint us, but we would rather you have a bad match then be with someone you don't love."

I sighed, "I just don't know if I will ever find said girl."

She pulled me into a hug. "Of course you will. If not you can just become a councilor be be single your entire life."

I scowled, "No way am I staying single forever."

She merely smiled, "You will find something Fitz. I know you will."

I know its short but I cant think of much to put for Fitz. See y'all soon. Maybe. If I can get past this writers block. Any tips for getting past writers block?? I am open to any!