Suicide Boulevard (one shot)

Chapter 3

     Wednesday. Already halfway through the week and only two suicide attempts. I think I’m actually getting better. I’m starting to become more and more reluctant. Partly because of Nikki, and partly because I wanna talk to Cali first.

     Problem is, I just don’t have the opportunity. I’m in history class and the teacher is talking about the war of 1812. Nikki isn’t around today. She’s sick. I’m going to go see her after school. I bought her a new sketch pad and some coloured pencils. That should cheer her up.

     Lunchtime at the cafeteria. I’m sitting two tables across from this new girl that just transferred here. Rico…something. I always thought Rico was a guy name. This girl doesn’t look very guy-ish. She’s actually kind of pretty. She’s sitting alone. Everyone seems to be avoiding her and she looks like she prefers it that way.

     But she’s new, so Cathy McHiggins just has to mess with her. She walks past Rico and ruffles her hair, then stands in front of her, smiling. She says something I don’t really hear, and Rico looks up at her. Not quite the way Cathy would like it, though. Rico glares at her like she might be food. It’s unnerving.

     Cathy says something again. Everybody’s watching now, so the cafeteria is dead silent. ‘…you answer to me, got it?’ Cathy was saying. ‘Now gimme your lunch.’ Rico lifts her tray really slowly. Cathy slams her palm on the table. ‘Today, cornhusker.’ Cathy isn’t all that scary looking, but she always gets her way because she’s the number one mean girl in the school and she looks like a Barbie doll with black hair and less make up.

     Rico takes her food off the tray and glares at Cathy again, tray in hand. Cathy smiles an evil cheerleader from hell kind of smile. ‘I didn’t ask for the tray, just the food.’ She says. ‘Are you like, retarded or something?’

     I think that might have been the last straw or something, because Rico threw the tray past Cathy’s face so fast she barely had time to react. The tray lands a few feet behind Cathy. Because the cafeteria was silent, the tray sounds painfully loud.

     Cathy’s still in shock. The new girl, Rico, stands up and looks straight at Cathy. ‘I’m sorry, my hand slipped.’ She says calmly. She’s sorry? She just committed an act of ultimate badassery and earned my eternal respect and she was sorry?? No, she needed a medal.

     Cathy still says nothing, so Rico pats her shoulder and walks away. The cafeteria bursts into applause. She’d earned it. This new girl with her red and black plaid shirt and dark denim jeans might have just become the new force of evil in the school. I wonder if Cali saw any of that.

     It’s a few minutes to four as I walk into Nikki’s house. I wonder how she’s doing. It doesn’t seem like she’s had any nightmares recently. I get to her door. ‘Hey Nikki,’ I knock gently on her door. ‘It’s Darcy. I brought you something,’

     ‘Come in,’ she says. I walk into her room. It’s a lot neater than mine. Nikki’s sitting in her bed, with her sketch pad. She smiles at me and shows me the page she’s on. It’s just a bunch of doodles here and there; a tiny teddy bear in one corner, a two man marching band in another, a pancake and a puffle in gladiator costumes…she must have been really bored today.

     I pull the new sketch pad from my bag. ‘You got me a sketch pad.’ That’s all she says, but her eyes have this light to them that suddenly makes standing in that ridiculously long check-out line totally worth it. ‘Got you some coloured pencils, too.’ I get into bed next to her and deposit the pack on her head. She chuckles.

     ‘So, what’d I miss?’ she asks. I tell her about what happened at lunch. ‘Oh. My. Gosh.’ She puts her hands on her face dramatically. ‘I’ve got to meet her. Did you get her autograph?’ she asks. She’s kidding, but I still kinda wish I had.

     Nikki lets her hands drop onto her old sketch pad. Then I notice the red. ‘Nikki…’ I trail off. She follows my gaze down to her wrists. There’s blood on the paper. Just a few drops, but it’s enough to trigger an urge. The urge to cut. I try to blink back tears as it continues to dawn on me. Nikki cuts herself. I’d let her suffer in silence this long. This is probably why she’s sick. She lost too much blood. I look at Nikki slowly. I can tell she’s trying not to cry, trying to think of a way to explain herself.

     I want to tell her it’s okay, but I don’t think I can make it that far without crying. So I hug her. She cries slowly at first, the tears touching my shoulders at intervals, then I pinch back a sob and it all comes out.

     Nikki stops crying, pulls back, then rolls up her sleeves. ‘I stopped when I met Shawn and started rehab, but…lately…everything’s darker.’ I trace my fingers on her cuts. They run about halfway up her right arm. None on her left arm, though.

     ‘What about the other one?’ I pick up her left hand and she smiles. ‘Just to remind myself not to get too addicted.’ She says slowly. ‘Sometimes, I just want to feel the metal on my skin. Sometimes I just need something to—’

     ‘Distract you from the shadows?’ I ask and her eyes light up a little. Just a little. I crack my best ‘in-this-together’ smile and roll up my sleeves and remove my bracelets. ‘Oh Darcy.’ Nikki looks horrified. ‘I’m so sorry…I should have known.’

     ‘Its fine, really.’ I say quickly, then smile again. ‘I guess we’re more alike than I thought.’

Nikki’s face relaxes and she smiles too. ‘Yeah.’ She says. ‘I guess we are.’ She hugs me tightly. ‘Draw me some food, I’m starving.’ I say softly. She laughs. I haven’t heard her laugh like that in months.