Poems

drunk on love

yoooooo sorry it's been so long. Anywayz here's a new poem :)

Drunk on love, 2:11AM

I never liked the idea of being "drunk on love" I always thought it was cheesey at best and probably romantic liquor store propaganda at worst.
But maybe that's because I can only get sober on love.

Sober enough to feel every thread on your t-shirt and sober enough to see every shade that makes up your skin tone

Sober enough to see every curl in your hair at once,
If I had the time I swear I could trace back every strand to it's root
I could see the way it joins the rest
So big, so small

I could keep balance touching my nose and singing the alphabet backwards on a tightrope
If I could see you in the crowd

Because
I'm sober when I'm in love. I'm painfully alive and real. Like every nerve is a pin prick
And you know I'm afraid of needles.
I'm sober when I'm with you,
Silly
Funny
Relaxed

But sober.

No, being drunk is something I can never get from love.

I could get drunk on an idea
Because it hooks me in with a sip, then one more
It spins me in circles until I'm bleary eyed and dizzy

A thought could chase me. A worry could be a chaser. Thoughts could chase me down the drain
Swirling and spinning

The idea that thinking is the only addiction no rehab could fix
The thought that my thinking, my constant headache is the only thing that makes me alive.
The ringing in my ear that won't stop

The thought that even if I quit there's not a chance in hell I'd stop

That I am drunk
  And I am distant
  And I am spinning

The way my sugary cocktail memories turn sour and burning
The way the memories of being sober off you, re:
The bread that Jesus gave to the hungry devouts-
The yeast fermenting and getting me fucked up again.

In my head again
Off my shit again
The way the real me is asleep and you  have to carry me home
As I babble on

Enough alcohol always turns a father into a stranger
Or a friend into a victim

An attack on me by me.
Alcohol ruins families love makes a family
How could I ever be drunk on reality?

I'm so, so sorry
If I ever seem hungover when I see you for the first time this week.

I've been thinking.