CHIAROSCURO; TAEKOOK

1 - PARALLAX.

Perhaps it all began at home, where the world of light and purity enveloped me. Or perhaps it began when I first entered school, the local Catholic boys' school down the street, where I ironically discovered the world of darkness. Or perhaps it began at the fountain in the middle of the town square, where I found solace at the intersection of both worlds. Or perhaps it all began when I was sixteen. It all began with him.

The morning air was crisp and smelt of freshly baked bread from the baker in the square. The sound of the fountain in the middle of the town gently echoed in the background, accompanied by the sweet chirping of birds. What was it like to be free? I wondered as I watched them fly past me. I stepped out of my house into Van Gogh's Farmhouse in Provence and Houses at Auvers, and John George Brown's Gathering Autumn Leaves.

I turned to duly say goodbye to my parents before setting off to school, a routine I had become so habituated to that it felt like each day was a resetting of an eternal loop. For the past sixteen years I had been protected by this world, sheltered in a bubble of light that promised me the same happiness and fulfilment my family enjoyed. Yet, I often found that I never wholeheartedly felt like I belong. 

Wake up, prayers, breakfast, school, prayers, lunch, schoolwork, prayers, dinner. My brother sincerely loved the routine of this world. I did not particularly mind this simple, orderly life, but I failed to grasp how my family so loved it. The pristine world of tranquillity, routine, peace and cleanliness.

In this world you had to conduct yourself so that life should be pure, unsullied, beautiful and well-ordered.⁺

However, it is not to say that I disdained the light, for I surely found myself wanting to genuinely assimilate into it. I enjoyed playing with my brother, indulging in the feeling of satisfaction and assurance that I was good, just like him. In this sense, I could understand why there was such an attachment to the world. I loved feeling like the pure, wholesome angels my family were. Surely then, I had to be a part of the world of light. 

Some days anger would bubble up within me when I quarrelled with my brother, and I hated myself for feeling that way. Guilt always accompanied any negative emotions that would stir within me. One look at the people around me would just worsen this guilt, seeing the truly noble character they had. There was never a glimpse of the other world hidden with them, not a sliver of darkness. Who was I to feel the way I did?

I crossed the fountain. It was my favourite place, where I often spent my free time watching the world around me. I liked to regard the fountain as a meeting place, a common ground where the people of the town could mix, despite which of the two worlds they belonged to. It was a point of contact, where every walk of life met at the heart of the town. I wondered which half I truly belonged to. One could not possibly stand with a foot in each world, the two sides would be like oil and water.

I approached the front gate of the school. Though rusted and creaky, the ground carpeted with fallen leaves, and students silently shuffling to and fro in their dull clothing, it was welcoming. Here was where I got to dip my toes into the other world, the tainted, dark one. Although the school tried its best to foster an environment of brightness and purity much like my home, it failed to successfully cultivate it.

Here, there was impatience. There were snide remarks and crudeness, acts of disobedience I could never imagine taking place at home. Though I never engaged in any of these, here was where I encountered them most often.

Through these classmates of mine, I had learnt to be more sceptical and less forgiving. It had initially shocked me when I realised just how conniving some of the students in my class could be. I barely had any friends, because I was always unwilling to partake in their fun and games, fearful that it would chip away at my purity. I wanted to fit in with them, to understand what having a friend, a comrade, a companion felt like. But I didn't want to be a rebel, a delinquent, a troublemaker like them. 

Consequently, though my innocence had been tainted by them, I was not wholly of their half of darkness. I was caught between these two worlds, yet up till this point I had chosen to neglect my worries, solely focusing on my studies. I wasn't exactly sure what I was studying for, but it was the only thing I had going for me in my life. The thought of reconciling these two conflicting sides within me had never crossed my mind. That was until he stepped into my life.

A new student had joined our class. From the moment he walked through the doorway, I was captivated. There was something timeless and almost all-knowing that laid behind his eyes. He carried himself in a mature manner, his presence almost authoritative. His name was Kim Taehyung. He was two years older than me, and had just moved into our town with his rich widowed father. His eyes swept over the class, and I felt as though he was looking deeply into each of our souls.

If only I had known then that my life was only just beginning, and it all began with him.

☾

chapter one is complete! i haven't completely decided where i want to go with this story, but the story of demian and the concepts + art direction that was inspired by it is so appealing to me. the characters in this story will be very similar to those in demian, but i'll be changing some of the plotlines, details, etc. maybe think of this as a gay demian fanfic sfhjdshf

⁺directly quoted from "demian".