Amarah

Chapter 16 •Eighteen - Part I•

As I finished putting on my black hijab, I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. Today, I turned 18.

I let out a shaky breath, recalling how my last birthday was spent and how different my situation was back then.

Me and my family didn't full-on celebrate birthdays, but we still acknowledged them. Birthday celebrations weren't a part of Islam, so they weren't that important. But turning 17 away from my family still tore up my heart.

A year ago, on November 5th, 2018, Laila wished me a happy birthday. She was still a little kid so, to her, birthdays were a source of excitement. I pretended to share her enthusiasm for my birthday, but deep inside, my heart shattered because of our situation. I had let her sing to me the dreaded song, even though there was nothing "happy" about where we were.

Not moments later, her singing and laughter were interrupted by Jeff slamming the door open.

"What the hell is going on here, huh?!" He yelled. "Who's birthday is it?" Laila's eyes widened in fear.

I moved in front of her, protectively.

"Ha! Is it your birthday?" He said to me, letting out an empty laugh. "And you're celebrating?! That's funny. I thought you'd be sadder knowing that your family isn't coming for you. Even if it is your damn birthday. They have moved on. If they really cared, they would've kept looking. But they didn't because they don't care for you at all."

I looked at the floor, his words repeating in my head, wounding me without permission. I shook my head slightly, not letting myself get emotional.

He came closer to me, and Laila grabbed onto my arm from behind. His breath, inches from my own, smelled disgustingly of alcohol and smoke. I held my own breath to avoid smelling it and kept looking down.

He brought his rough hand to my chin and forcefully made me look at his hideous face. I closed my eyes, only to be hit with a sharp slap. My eyes flew open and I grabbed onto my stinging cheek.

Laila started to cry behind me. "Oh, shut up, little girl! Do you want one, too?"

He was about to get closer to Laila, but I shoved him as hard as I could, telling Laila to go to the corner of the room.

"Don't. Touch. Her," I breathed out, harshly. My eyes blurry with tears.

He looked angry, "You're gonna regret that, you piece of shit." He got up and walked towards me, raising his fist in the air, and punched my face.

Falling to the ground with the force, I started to cry more. I prayed to Allah to help me and to give me strength.

Jeff came over and kicked my rib, making me let out another cry. "You ain't gonna go back home just because it's your birthday. You'll slowly rot here, I'll make sure of it!"

I touched the part of my face he had punched exactly a year ago, running my fingers across the jawline. The bruise was long gone, but the memory was still fresh on my mind. I swallowed down the pain and tore my eyes away from the mirror. It was time to go eat.

When I got downstairs my mom gave me a hug and kissed both of my cheeks, "Assalamu Alaikum. Happy Birthday, Amarah! May Allah bless you with a good life in this dunya and in the next, Ameen!" I repeated 'Ameen' and hugged her back, smiling. "I made your favorite breakfast! I hope you like it!"

"Walaikum Assalam. Thank you, Mama," I smiled warmly at her, pulling away.

"You are welcome. Now, go eat! I'll see you later, I have to get to work and drop off the kids," she kissed my cheek one more time, then yelled out to Hawa and Laila that she'd be in the car, waiting. "Allah hafiz!"