Band-aids Over Bullet Wounds

On The Road

"Daddy are we there yet?" I inwardly cringed, trying not to show it off.  This was the fourth time she'd asked in the span of two hours.  I was praying she'd fall alseep. 
    After a series of continous hysterical children we got the house packed up, loaded the car, and left.  In between there was screaming for Kevin, crying over the old house, and Mckennzie's refusal to go to the car.  I'd planned to leave at least by 7 am.  We'd gotten up so early, but with little kids, I couldn't get them out the door before 9.  It now meant we foresure wouldn't be getting into town before midnight.   It was beyond frustrating.  I planned it to be a lot eariler than this.  It was hard to carry three half asleep children into a home in the middle of the night. Now it seemed I had no choice, and I couldn't blame my kids for it.  I more than hoped all three children in the backseat would nod off during the drive, but for the past 4 hours they'd all been more than alert and awake. 
    "No baby.  We have a very long way to go.  Do you need to use the washroom," I spied here in the rearveiw miror.  She gave me a missing teeth smile.  I smiled back. 
    "No." She stated firmly.
    "Boys?" I looked at them in turn.  Sam was looking tired, slumped in his chair and watching the trees go by.  I hoped he would be the first to fall asleep.  He was dwindling quickly.  Noah was in the seat beside him, sucking his thumb and playing with Sammy's ear.  I wasn't sure why Noah liked to play with people's ears, but it was something he seemed to do unconsciously. He'd sit there, sucking his thumb, and touch your ear if you were close enough to be reached.  When he was a real baby he used to refuse to drink his milk unless he could touch my face while doing so.  I decided Noah was already a weird kid, healthy and mentally stable, but a little weird.  It was okay though.  I loved him for all his little quirks.
    "No dada," Noah mumbled around his thumb. 
    "Sammy.  Are you feeling sick?" I craned my neck a little to get a better veiw of him too.
    "No dada," He was sleepy, slowly slipping into that adorable state of not yet aslep, yet not quite awake.
    My boys only being four pinponged between calling me dada and daddy.  Mckennzie being a 'big girl' only called me daddy these days.  I couldn't lie and say I didn't miss her calling me dada.  It was endearing, and cute.  I hoped the boys didn't grow out of it too soon.
    "Is anyone hungry? Do you want a snack Mac and cheese,"
    "Grapes," she chirped excitedly.
    "Grapes please," I corrected her while I gripped the wheel with one hand and gropped in the bag beside me with the other until I found the container of grapes. 
    "Please and thank you daddy," I passed them back to her, and she hungrily snatched them from me.
    "Your welcome. Boys, do you want some grapes too,"    
    "No," Noah moaned, tugging on Sammy's ear.  Sammy grunted, squirmed and shoved Noah off him.  Noah paused, looking on at Sammy in astonishment.  He contemplated going in for the ear again, gave him a minute, and then dived back in, yanking on his ear softly.
    "Dada, stop," Sammy whined.
    "Stop what babe? What did I do?"
    "Noah," He cried out. 
    I sighed heavily.  "Boys please. No fighting."  The boys loved each other, but like I'd stated eariler, Noah was clingier, and sometimes it drove Sammy mad.    
    "Daddy, he won't let me. Why not?" Sammy knocked Noah's hand away.  At this point Noah looked dangerously close to tears, and if Sammy had an intention of nodding off it was squandered now.
    "Dada make him stop!" Sammy wailed hitting Noah on the leg. Noah being a little bit of the cry baby let out a ear slipping scream of tortured suffering.  I knew Noah was a little bit of a drama queen, but sometimes he was justified.
    "Sammy," I suddenly barked angrily.  My children did not hit. "We do not hit."
    "Sorry daddy," Sammy whimpered.
    "Apologize to Noah," I reprimanded.  I could hear Noah moaning soft wails behind me and begging for me. I hated when he cried when I was in a position where I couldn't console him.  I was driving, and this time he'd have to sit in the back alone and stew this one out. 
    "No dada," Sammy folded his arms like the stubborn boy he was, and huffed angrily. "He pulled my ear."
    "He didn't mean it.  You hit him deliberately." I wondered if he knew what deliberately meant, decided against it, and tried again. "I mean you hurt him to hurt him,"
    "No I didn't," It was a sharp wail again, and now Sammy too was dangerously close to the water works.
    I just prayed Mckennzie would stay out of it and continue being quiet for now. I sneaked a peek at her in the rearview mirror.  She was otherwise preoccupied with the trees outside as she popped a grape in her mouth one right after the next.  I wanted to watch her forever, but my two boys were both vying for my attention now.
    "Dada! Noah says it first," Sammy burst into tears.  I sighed again.  I was going to have to pull over now to get them all to calm down.
    "How about both you say it at the same time?" I ventured this one out. I knew it was a long shot but maybe they'd be good today.
    "No!"
    That they managed to say at the same time. Goodness they were difficult today.
    "Sammy, say sorry now, and then Noah will say it back," I replied sternly.  I wanted to be compassionate today, but I just wasn't feeling it.  This drive was going to be way too long, and my patience was already wearing thin.
    He crossed his arms frustrated with me, his lower lip wobbling slightly as he tried to hold back his tanturm. He refused to loook at me, seeing as I'd betrayed him, and Noah too as he finally spit out a pitiful "sorry."    
    "He didn't mean it daddy," Noah was quick to jump right on it.
    "Sammy," I urged.
    Sammy startled us all when he screeched at the top of his lungs and kicked the passenger seat in front of him. "I'm sorry,"
    One part of me wanted to laugh at his minature tantrum, but the adult part of me said to scold him.    
    "Sammy, come on now.  Say it nicely for me please,"
    Sammy said something then that I never expected him to say in a million years.  It shook me to the core, and honestly scared me a little.  Not to mention put a real damper on my mood. The topic still brought tears to my eyes sometimes, four years later.  "Mommy wouldn't make me!"
    I choked on my own salavia, and Mckennzie gasped from beside me.  "Sammy, that wasn't very nice,"
    I didn't think she really understood to the extent of what his comment actually meant, but she was by nature a compassionate child.  She was born in the middle of July, which made her a Cancer sign.  A ball of emotional ups and downs, romantic fallacies, and a deeprooted sensitivity that was more than truly heartfelt.  She was quick on her toes when it came to emotions, other people's in particular.  When I had sad days, she could always tell.  She had not much else to offer but a cuddle, and on those particularly hard days, a cuddle from my princess was all I needed.  I wished I could have a cuddle from her right now, but here I was, stuck driving while all three of my needy children needed me.
    I contemplated pulling over, while Karen's face swam behind me eyes.  What would she do in this situation?  Sammy had brought her up- and I highly doubted he even remembered her aside from the pictures I'd shown him- and now she'd plague my mind for the rest of the day, and mostlikely the night too.    
    Noah, who always wanted to be the peace maker, piped up with his own sorry, telling Sammy he hadn't meant to hurt him in the hopes that I wouldn't look so wounded.  Sammy's tongue had gotten to me, and I felt shaken to the core.  With hands that quivered slighty, I yanked us off the highway and onto the ramp that took us to a gas station.
    "Dada are you angry?" Sammy looked close to tears again.
    I replied with a cold no, and only after it was out did I think that maybe I shouldn't have answered at all.  Seeing the wounded look on his face after hearing my reply hurt more  than if I had stayed quiet all together.  Frustrated with myself, and my kids too, I parked the car in a random parking spot and shifted in my seat to look at the three of them.  My face must have been stern because they all clammed up like shells, and shrunk back from my gaze.
    I licked my parched lips, my anger vanishing as quickly as it came when I got a look at their three scared faces staring back at me.  I felt quilty now. They didn't understand what had happened, or really how loosing my wife had effected me, and I knew beyond all that they missed their mother, though they hardly remembered her, more than anything and constantly felt shafted from the other kids in school.  There had been some rotten girls in Mckennzie's ballet class that picked on her for it sometimes.  I was happy we were out of Chicago, no more nasty classmates to pick on my little girl.
    "Sammy," I addressed him first, seeing as he was the most emotionally sensitive out of the three.  Noah was my clinger, Sammy was my crier, and Mckennzie was my control.  Things had to go her way, or the world know hear about it otherwise. "I'm not upset, but don't bring that up again okay.  You know how sad daddy gets when you speak like that,"
    "I'm sorry dada." Sammy had only whispered it, but it screamed volumes to me. 
    I sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day.  I couldn't stand to see that wounded look on my child's face when I had the ability to do something about it.  I unbuckled my seatbelt hastily and got out the car with the keys still in the ignition.  The car dinged irritatingly as I came around to the other side of the car and opened it.  Sammy was waiting for me with arms outstretched and seatbelt unbuckled.  I yanked him out into my arms and smothered him in an affectionate huge.  He cried on my shoulder and all I could do was kiss his curly head.
    "Dada my turn!" Noah broke the silence as he tried unsuccessfully to get out of his carseat.  I kissed Sammy's cheek one last time before I placed him down beside me, and reached in for Noah.  He latched on automatically like he always did with a death grip and no intention of letting go. I gave him a monster hug and kissed him until I couldn't make a kissy face anymore and put him down too.  After that I let Mckennzie have her fix, and hers was much shorter.  A tight hug, a few kisses and she was done.  I chuckled when she said no more.  I dropped her to the floor, and looked down at the three needy children expectantly waiting for my next move. 
    "Since we're here we are going to use the rest rooms okay," My three kids followed me like little ducklings as I walked around the car to take out the keys from the ignition and locked the door behind me.
    For the first time today they didn't protest, and we went to the bathroom like big kids.
    I was so happy for that one tiny little blessing they'd allowed me to have, I just had to give them each a kiss for it.
    *
    We got into Virginia past midnight like I knew we would.  Inbetween countless pit stops, even more tantrums, and half alseep children stumbling into an unfamilair house we finally settled in on the funiture that was dumped haphazardly in various parts of the house.  I sheeted my kids beds in semi darkness while they dozed of standing as they waited for me.  After I changed them into their pajama's I tucked them all in.  Sammy and Mckennzie were out before I could even give them a good night kiss.  For that I was more than grateful.  Noah however refused to go to sleep until I gave him nurmerous cuddles. He claimed he was scared of his new room, though Sammy was knocked out cold three feet over.  Like I always did when it came to Noah, I caved and layed in bed with him cuddling until he fell alseep.  I couldn't bring myself to release him from my arms, and ended up sleeping there until Noah woke me in the morning by tugging playfully on my ear. 
    I hoped waking in such a good atmosphere would be a good omen for my first day at my new location.  I jumped out of bed, dragging Noah and Sammy with me to get dressed.  When all three kids were dressed, and as was I, we ate cereal for breakfast as quick as possible, hopped into the car and drove the 20 minutes to their new schools.  We got lost twice between Mckennzie's school, and the twin's school, and both boys thought it was the funniest thing in the world.  If I didn't have the image on Noah's little face in my mind from that morning tugging on my ear, I wouldn't have been such a happy camper.  Except everytime I looked at him I was reminded of his endearing smile, and I couldn't help but feel this satisfying love inside for my kids.
    When I finally got my kids in all the right places- I had to thank Kevin again for that- shook hands with all the right teachers and principles I was finally off.  Parking in the visitors parking spot, I got out and stood dead by the doors to look up at my new home.
    What I knew to be a serious police station was cloaked in a dingy boring looking office building.  What I had seen of Virginia so far was beautiful.  It was green and lush, trees absolutely everywhere.  I knew once my kids got out on the town, they'd love it.  This building however was anything but beautiful.  I briefly wondered if they would know who I was when I went in.  I looked down at my police hat wrung between my hands and decided against it.  Tossing the hat through my open car window, I reajusted my uniform, took a deep breath, and headed into the building that would ultimately change my life.
    The walk to the door was long and far, and I was jittery by the time I pulled open the glass doors.  However, the moment I walked in I felt as if I was walking into my office at home.  The place was a jumble of desks, people recieving phone calls, officers in uniforms and some not milling around laughing and having a good toke.  I couldn't keep my smile at bay.  Some were undercover, some plain officers, all people I was more than eager to get to know.  These men were going to be my new brothers, and I couldn't wait to meet them all.
    The officer behind the receptionist desk called me back to myself.  Reminding me why I was there.  I diverted my attention from the scurrying scene down the hall and over to the guy behind the desk.  Dark hair, dark eyes, comforting smile. "What can I do for you,"
    "Sergeant Nicks, Chicago division," he nodded as he swivelled to his computer, typing in the name.
    "DEA transfer?" He looked up at me expectantly.  I just nodded stupified.  I must have looked like a kid in a candy store, barley able to contain my excitement as I glance at the offices behind the glass wall with longing.  One day, after the silly extra months of training I'd be behind that wall, with presumably my own desk.
    "I'm going to call the Chief.  The Bureaus been waiting for you.  You're 14 weeks late on trainging." The phone was tucked between his ear and shoulder as he rambled on.
    "I got transfered last week."
    "Oh," was all he replied with. 
    Ya, oh is right buddy.
    He jumped quickly into the conversation on the phone.  He explained that I was here. He hung up, told me to sit on the squeaky looking chair off to the left until the Chief came for me.
    I waited for an hour.  A full hour until the Chief came out.  He wasn't alone.  He was accompanied by a man who looked about perhaps 40, maybe late 30's. We all shook hands, I was welcomed to the team, and was told my training would start tomorrow morning, 8 am sharp.  This man who had come with the Chief was my offical trainer.  When training ended, he'd be my offical partner for the rest of DEA police career.
    His name was Paul Hamming.  Blonde hair, a thin line for a mouth covered by a big thick beard that came down to the collarbone, and a blue eyed bloke that was probably more than stunning in his high school years.  He was worn now, thinning hair, but in great shape.  He worked out, I could tell.  That made me happier than I could say.  I'd been worrying about my workout's with the move.  It seemed with him everything would work itself out.
    We shook hands, and almost like foreshadowing I knew in that moment we'd have each others back until the end.