❝ haven: /ˈheɪv(ə)n/. noun.
a place of safety or refuge. ❞
jisung starts to realise that he's been living out his parents' dreams, not his. with the help of his new friends, will he ever be able to find out his true passion and find his haven?
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It's been about 7 months since Jisung started college and met his rowdy new dorm mates. Though he rarely ever spent time hanging out with them, he actually knew them pretty well. He'd quietly notice their little mannerisms and habits, the little details. On the other hand, the other boys didn't know much about him, other than the fact that he had an older brother, which he mentioned ages ago when they first met. It wasn't like Jisung planned to open up to them anytime soon, anyway.
Either way, final exams were just around the corner. The boys haven't been talking much, having spent so much time in exam prep sessions or just self-studying in their own dorms. Today, however, Hyunjin had other plans.
"Hey Sungie! I'm planning a small little party later tonight, the boys are gonna be there too! I'm thinking of inviting the hyungs next door too, what do you think about that?" Hyunjin burst as he swung open the door to Jisung's room. Jisung, as usual, had his head buried in his textbooks and study materials. As he looked up to face Hyunjin, he didn't bother to hide the frown on his face.
"For the last fucking time, Hyunjin. Stop calling me 'Sungie' and PLEASE knock when you come in," Jisung sighed as he closed his textbook and sat up straight in his chair. He usually didn't even respond to Hyunjin's invitations, and so Hyunjin's ears perked up, hoping to hear that Jisung would join them. His enthusiasm wasn't reciprocated, however. "And no, I'm not going to your party. Don't get your hopes up. Finals are literally next week, why the fuck would I be going for a party?"
Hyunjin sunk his head down, feeling gutted. "Aww, I just wanted to give us all one last chance to just unwind and catch up, y'know? Especially since most of us have been so caught up with exam prep. But I totally get it if you don't wanna go, we'll try to keep the volume down, so good luck with the studying!" he reassured, returning to his usual lively tone. He slowly shut the door behind him as he left, partly disappointed Jisung rejected his invitation yet again. He thought he'd be used to it by now, but every time Jisung made up and excuse to get out of any social event, he would feel a prick at his heart. Just as he started to feel down, the front door swung open.
Three older looking boys barged into the dorm. Hyunjin rushed to welcome them, accepting the cartons of alcohol they brought over and placing a few cans in a cooler box full of ice. "Thanks for the drinks, Chan hyung! What would we do without you?" Seungmin nudged the oldest of three gently in the side. The boy gave a shy chuckle and ruffled his hair. Meanwhile, the two other boys went on to help Felix, Hyunjin and Jeongin prepare the snacks in the kitchen. Not long after, the boys were all in the living room, downing can after can of beer and just laughing away all their worries.
On the other hand, Jisung was stuck in his room. He'd been stuck on the same page on his textbook, rereading the same few lines over and over again. As much as he wanted to focus on his work and study, he just couldn't. It's been going on for weeks really, but Jisung always just shrugged it off as the typical exam pressure. This time, he just.. didn't want to do anything. As if all his motivation just vanished into thin air. It definitely didn't help that he wasn't wearing his headphones that day, which let him hear pretty much everything the boys were talking about outside - Minho's professor was an absolute douchebag because Minho missed ONE lecture, and Changbin being mistaken as a freshman for the umpteenth time - you know, your typical college kid struggles. On top of that, they were also blasting unnecessarily loud music, and of course they had to put the speakers next to the wall of Jisung's room. Eventually, it kinda felt like Jisung's head throbbed to the beat of the music they were playing. In an attempt to relieve his headache, Jisung got out of his seat and laid down in bed, not like he could sleep anyway, with the only thing between the speakers outside and his bed being a thin wall. As he got lost in his thoughts, he slowly started to pay attention to the music playing.
ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: HAVEN - Stray Kids
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◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 1:18 / 3:20 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⊏⊐
Do whatever you want 같이 틀을 깨고 여기 아지트로 모여 right now Step out, do what you want 일단 다 해버려 추억으로 남겨 now or never
Do whatever you want Break out of the mold with us And gather at our hiding place right now Step out, do what you want Just try everything to keep it In your memories, now or never
All of sudden, tears started welling up in Jisung's eyes. Despite the song having such an upbeat vibe and energy to it, Jisung couldn't help but feel his heart ache. The lyrics hit too close to home for him, but he didn't understand why. He didn't understand what made him feel so overwhelmed suddenly, why he felt so strongly about these lyrics. It wasn't like he was being forced to do something he didn't want, right? Shrugging it off, he sandwiched his head between his pillow to block out as much of the music as he could, and tried to go to sleep. However, thoughts ran through his mind non-stop, two in particular kept him awake: Am I doing what I actually want? Actually, do I even know what I want to do? As he stared at the ceiling, he started to contemplate his entire life: has he been doing what he wanted, or was he being taught that he should want to do what his parents wanted him to do? All his life, he was blinded by the thought of simply pleasing his parents. At 19 in college, he didn't even know how'd he want to spend the rest of his life doing. He'd been restricted from the little freedoms that would have made his life at least a little more fun, he lost his entire childhood and teenage years, slaving away to his books. He then forced his eyes shut and tried to get some shut-eye, which unfortunately didn't last very long.
As he tossed and turned in bed in a pathetic attempt to avoid these revelations, Jisung grew more and more uncomfortable. He started to sweat buckets, leaving sweat marks on his pillowcase. His heart was palpitating as he felt warmer, violently kicking his blanket off his bed. He started to pace around the room, feeling like was slowly losing his mind. He glanced at the clock, the bright neon green numbers showing the time. 2:17 a.m.
"They should all be asleep by now, right?"
The sound of the doorknob being slowly twisted followed, along with soft footsteps leading up to the living room.
"Fuck it."
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author's note :>
shit this chapter feels so much longer than the previous ones HAHAH but it was kinda fun to write i hope you guys aren't that bored of reading it yet :<< i promise the next chapter onward will be somewhat interesting !!
