Smile - JIHOPE

Chapter 9

Jimin's pov (still)

The next morning, I woke up still in the clothes I was wearing last night and I was sprawled on the floor next to my bed, my neck and back hurt, did I fall asleep on my floor last night?, I tiredly crawled over to the mirror and looked at myself, black tear stains on my cheeks and smeared pink lipstick. I stared into the mirror closely, remembering everything that happened.

"I can't believe he had a girlfriend the whole time..." all of my emtions came flooding back, I cradled my face in my hands immediately crumbling down into a pile of tears, how can my emotions of love and happiness change so quickly?  Is it normal to feel this upset? was he just lying to me? Did he think it was a funny joke? Did he think I was a joke?

I slowly stood up, pushing my hands through my hair before walking into the bathroom and stepping into the shower. I let the warm water calmly roll down my face and body, masking the persistent sobs which were also racing down my cheeks. The new sensation from the running water made me feel peaceful. My mind was quiet, and I felt like I could finally take a breather from my previously busy thoughts, at least for a minute. That noiseless period abruptly came to an end, my mind was annoyed, "how dare you relax?" It mocked. Pain and loneliness soon overwhelmed my attention, they were back, my escape disappeared before I had the chance to grasp it, the door between my terror and my safe haven suddenly closed, I was left trapped in the never ending darkness that was my mind, with no possible way out.

Slowly, my feet dragged me out of the shower and my hands picked up the clothes I was wearing the night before, impulsively throwing them into the bin to then get changed into casual day clothes, packing my dancing attire and shoes into a bag. I stared at my bed, the chick plushie was sat there, longingly staring at me, it looked sad too.

"You look how I feel" I tightly hugged onto the isolated plush, checking the time. I don't want to go to dance, I don't have the energy to go to dance, but I have to, at least today. My feet unwillingly pulled me up, gradually and cautiously I made my way to dance, seeing Namjoon outside, he was smiling "you came! I was worried you weren't gonna show up!" He looked relieved and happy to see me, I found it strange.

Hoseok looked the same too, when I showed up to the party, he looked really happy to see me. But why is it different with Namjoon? Why did it have a bigger effect on me when it was Hoseok?

Why was it Hoseok?

"You alright?" I nodded slightly, escaping my thoughts momentarily as me and Joon walked into class, I scanned the room carefully, he wasn't there, there were a few people including the teacher, but not Hoseok. "Do you want me to check the changing room?" I looked at Namjoon and nodded shyly, he smiled, checking in response "he's not here, come on" I quickly walked in and got changed, me and Namjoon then sat on a bench "thank you Joonie..." he grinned widely, shrugging "it's alright, i'm glad you came today though, don't let him bother you if he comes okay?" I thought it would be okay, because I had Namjoon with me, I thought Hoseok wouldn't be able to bother me. And he didn't bother me, he didn't come over to me, when he walked in he looked in my direction but then went over to other people. A part of me was sad, a part of me wanted him to come over to me. A huge part of me missed him.

"It's okay, see? He's not bothering you" I nodded awkwardly, I wanted to go over to him, and talk to him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, it would only hurt more. The truth is, he was bothering me, as soon as I saw him I felt extremely hurt, just by seeing his face.

How can someone have such an effect on me? He hasn't done anything, and yet I cant bear being in the same room as him. My mind was going crazy, thoughts were piling ontop of each other, they wouldn't stop.