Not Love - BDSM

Untitled Part 2

Smoke filled her lungs and she began to cough violently. Her headache was not helping the matter, the rotten smell of the bed chained her from swimming in the oblivion pool of sweet dreams. The grumbling of her stomach reminded her of her sister sleeping next to her probably dreaming of clean food in abundance. The small room was filled with starving silence.

She laid awake in her side afraid to shift even though her back was stiff hunched the way it was, but if she did her little sister would wake up and hear the noise next door. She would ask questions Zoë was not ready to answer yet.  She would would ask for food too. The weekend was hard for her little sister. No school meant no breakfast and sometimes when their mother is in her worse times it means no lunch. At least Zoë only have to worry about dinner for the five days Ella has school. Finding clothes was easier than food, with clothes you don't have to be worried whether it is clean or not, there is always laundry for that. However, with food there is her sister's allergies she has to worry about, food poisoning and her sister's increasing weight. She has to make a difficult decision, quality or quantity,  both of which she needed for her sister's  and her mother's sake. The difference between her mother and her sister was that she asks for food when she is hungry, while her mother doesn't know when she is hungry for she is high or drunk enough to think food is not necessary in order to live.

Zoë has gotten around scrambling what ever people left behind. She knew her way around in her torn neighborhood.  She has thought about going to Los Angeles and trying her luck with acting. She has come as close as packing what is of her cloth in plastic bag and taking a city bus to the bus station, but each time the thought of her sister kept her imprisoned in the cursed neighborhood.  What would happen to Ella when she is gone? Who would look after her? Her mother who is high half the time and sleeping the rest? Ella's father who has similar problems? Or is it Zoë's father who has abandoned her and her mother before she was even born?

There was no one to take care of Ella. Whatever relatives they had have cut their mother long before Ella was born. Something about her mother's lack of honor, respect and responsibility.  Zoë has long ago learned to keep away from her mother at her worst times. When it is good it is great but when it is bad it is unbearable.  The constant cursing, breaking of China plates and cups. Through the years Zoë has learned to see the good in everything regardless of the matter. She was thankful that Ella only get to see little of their mother's breakdowns.  For most she is in school or at friends house oblivious to the trouble their family faced at every corner.

Zoë tries not to regret past mistakes or choices. Sometimes she loses faith and find herself craving to the path her mother took. But every time bills for rent and medical fees are sent in the mail it was a slap back to reality. Everyday was the same damn routine. She wakes Ella up, dress her up, and take her to the school bus. She waits until the bus drives off the street before she heads home and clean the house. If everything was going good her mother would wake up and get cleaned up, eat whatever is leftover from last night. If she was sober the night before she will get out of the house and take a nice stroll through the neighborhood. Those days usually happen when there was no man sleeping over and mostly when Ella's father gets home before any of the men come to visit her mother.

It was an ongoing relationship between Ella's father and their mother. He comes whenever he wants to and goes when things go bad. Zoë hated every man that came at night to visit their mother. She hated her mother for not stopping them from coming.  But her mother has screamed at her going as far as to ask her if she was jealous.  Zoë was not jealous but she let her mother think whatever she wants. It makes her mother happy that those men want her and that they chose her over her pretty daughter. It sickens Zoë but she let her mother have the gilded joy.

Zoë blamed herself to the way her mother went around the neighborhood craving attention from men. Her mother refused to talk about the mysterious lover of hers.  The one man who broke her heart and left her with a mistake that will never be effaced. Zoë was a constant reminder of her mother's failure, reminder of her naivety.