Falling In

Falling - 5

hey dee, im sorry about the other day i had no idea he was coming over he just kinda showed up

Why couldn't you ask him to leave?

i didn't have the heart to. you understand right?

I understand that you don't care about this.

that's not true. i don't feel like that.

Then how do you feel? Stop avoiding me, stop dodging questions, how do you feel about me?

... Bennie💕 is typing

Nope. I turn off my phone. I'm so damn mad at her. How do I keep falling for this stuff? She's never gonna give me a straight answer. I'm just gonna keep following her and getting crushed.

She can't keep holding back for me only to leave me to go see Shawn, it's bull. And it makes me feel so stupid. But I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about this. Waiting for it. Looking for it. I can't keep looking into her eyes and thinking what if. It's eating me. It's gnawing at my cuticles when I think it's never gonna happen and it's pushing at my chest when I think it might. And it fills me up and pours me out until I'm washed clean and left to stare at what I've hurt for.

Nothing. Dots on a phone screen. An ending that isn't coming.

I just can't sit here and wait.

I get a sweater and my keys, leaving my phone on my bed, "I'm going for a walk!"

"Don't be gone too long!"

I step out into the cool air of late afternoon and start heading to a coffee shop. I've got enough in my pocket for a cup. I get to the small building in about 20 minutes. The stench of coffee and the sudden change in the environment make my eyes sting as visions of a certain girl dance in my head. "Black roast, medium." With my cup in hand,

I linger by their shelves of merchandise. T-shirts, mugs, coffee beans. Covered in logos and neutral tones. I think I've seen that glass at her house. I rush to another counter for cream before exiting the shop.

The cool air is welcoming to my weary eyes and I drop onto a bench. The sun is setting. The shades of orange stain the clouds and honestly the sight should make me feel better than I do. But there's not a thing that can knock me out of this state. Not the bitter coffee washing down my throat. Not the crisp air of a late, fall afternoon. Not a soul on this earth.

Half a cup of coffee later I take my leave. And a few blocks from home something catches my eye.

Her. She's standing three feet in front of me. She looks to be in shock and I'm sure I look the same. We spent a moment just looking at each other, unwavering. And it seemed as if our eyes were getting wider by the second, anticipating an ending. Maybe there was an ending. A something. Our feet grazing the ledge of an unknown to drop into, finally, an ending. A place in which to fall to our fate. Not death but a new place with new feelings and new everything that wasn't us. Maybe finally we'd fall.

Maybe we did. We fell into a much-needed hug. I could feel her neck and her waist. There were familiar smells and sights but such a new feeling. We feel into something so real. Her lips, her hand on the back of my head as the world swelled around us. We fell to a place where the leaves spiraled and fluttered, and all of the pedestrians slipped into a void. Or maybe we had. Because for a moment I couldn't see anything. I could just feel her. And then, after these mere seconds, there I was.

Staring at her. Standing three feet apart. Standing on a ledge. Because upon seeing each other we didn't kiss. We promptly ran in opposite directions. As far from the ledge as we could.

I ran like all hell. I wasn't trying to go this way. I was walking home. But it doesn't matter. I ran and I ran and when I stopped everything stung and I couldn't breathe right. I was completely deflated. I harshly combed my hands through my hair from the front, leaving them on the top of my head. As my mind grew louder and fuzzier I tightened my muscles straining my head and my neck and my hair, which is perfectly fine, because that's how the rest of me feels anyways.

"Breathe, man. Breathe," They came out shaky and uneven but mostly doing their job.

My breathing evened out through my effort to silence any and all consideration about the events that had just conspired. Not the healthiest but it was working. That is, until looking at the darkening sky, I remembered I still needed to get home. Damnit.

She could still be on my way back. But would she really do that? I mean, she knows where I walk home. But maybe not by heart. Not well enough that she could avoid it in a panic right? Well, who knows. Maybe she wasn't quite as panicked as I was. Maybe for her, it was more of a casual, I don't want to see you, I'm jogging away. Maybe she didn't bolt two blocks.

Ok, I can just walk a really roundabout way home. It's fine. I took an exhale of finality, before striding down the block. 

~~

Hello again, readers! I hope you're having a lovely day. If you like this story please leave a vote and or comment to help more people see it and give me the feedback to be a better writer. I'd been working on this for a while and it's really cool to finally have something published on Wattpad! Are there any projects, writing or otherwise, you guys have been up to?