My Life is no Fairytale

Chapter 1

I came home from school and just tossed my bag to the ground as soon as I closed the door. I turned around to see my drunk mom on the couch with a beer can in her hand and some liquor bottles littering the floor. I lived in a small apartment, but I really didn't care. Two bed, one bath, a living/dinning area thing, and of course the kitchen/laundry room thing as well.

"I had a great day at school today, thanks for asking." I said sarcastically while rolling my eyes more to myself than to anyone else. I dropped my keys in the little bowl we kept by the door on top of the kitchen counter and walked back to my room. I flopped down on top of my single bed that had a green comforter. My room was very small and I could really only fit my bed and really small dresser. I had a mirror hanging on my wall and looked into it, pushing myself up on the bed so that I was now sitting up. The ugly dirty-brown haired, dark brown eyed freak stared back at me. I hated how I looked, no matter how many people said I looked pretty and how much they wished they looked like me. They are just lies, they always are. I mean, come on, who wants ugly, no matter how much I wash it, dirty looking hair that is stupidly wavy and lands just above their middle back. It always looks uncombed and unhealthy. Well, I can't afford nice conditioner or a hair cut, so it's not like I can do anything about it. Although I did like my bangs, they fell just over my left eye and were kinda long for bangs, but once again I can only afforded a hair cut like once a year, so ya. My eyes looked like the Hudson River, dirty and ugly. But I guess I can think my mom for that, she has brown eyes like mine and I hate having the same eyes as her. I wish I had my dad's blueish, greenish eyes. I've only seen them in pictures though, so I don't really know how pretty they looked in person. He left when I was little, and I don't remember him much. But I did have his freckles under my eyes and along my nose. Which only added more to my ugliness. I fell back on my bed, no longer wanting to look at the ugly girl in the mirror. Besides, isn't beauty on the inside? Well I don't have that ether. That left a long time ago. I'm a loner that's mean to everyone. I don't like peoples' pity, and wish they'd just leave me alone. I've built up a brick wall, and no one's allowed in. Well, except Dean, I like Dean. He is my boyfriend after all.

"Honey, are you home?" My mom's slurred speech quietly made it back to my room.

"Ya, mom, I'm home." I yelled back. She won't even remember this conversation in the morning.

"Do you have homework?" She asked. Leave it to my mom to try and 'act motherly' when she was just some drunk lady laying on a couch.

"No, mom. We had a slow day today." I waited for her response, but it never came. I slowly pulled myself off my bed and walked back into the living room. Sure enough she was sound asleep on the couch again. I really had a lot of homework, but screw it. I'm not doing some shit that I don't even need to do. I already had straight 'A's and was in all the advanced classes. So what the hell. I walked into the kitchen and opened our small fridge to find, not surprising, no food. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my small flip-phone. I know. Oh My Gosh! A flip phone?! What is this? The 50s? No, it's called all I can afford. I dialed my grandma's number and she answered right away.

"Hi honey! How are you?" Her sweet voice rang through the phone.

"Hey, grandma. Mom forgot to go to the store, again. Can I come over and get some food so I don't starve?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, of course! You know you're welcomed anytime! Are you sure you'll be fine walking here? It's 42 out there."

"Yes, I'll be fine. Don't worry, I'll wear a coat. And it's only a 15 minute walk. Plus you know I enjoy walking."

"I know baby, but it won't stop me from worrying about you, you're still only 15 and just a kid."

I rolled my eyes at her response. I know I can't stop her worrying about me, she always does. I mean, she knows how my mom drinks. How could she not? She used to basically live over here because I wasn't old enough to take care of both my mom and I.

"Don't worry, I'll be there in a little bit, see you then." After a few 'I love you's', I hung up the phone and went back to my room. I pulled out my old leather jacket that I got a year ago for my birthday from my grandma and tossed it on. I already had my boots on so I headed for the door. I grabbed the keys and opened the door. "Bye mom, if I can call you that." I said under my breath as I locked the door and left.

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It was a short walk. Only saw the occasional jogger here and there. There wasn't much to look at, like normal. I lived in Ohio and was practically immune to the cold. Hell, we never used the heater at the apartment. I bet you can guess why. I walked up the driveway to my grandma's and rang the doorbell twice and waited for her to open it. As soon as she did, I was engulfed into a hug.

"Hi Jess! How are you? How is school going? What about Dean? How's your mom doing?" My grandma started with the questions right away.

"Hi grandma." I said with a smile. "Calm down, attacking me with questions already? I just saw you Tuesday, and I've talked to you everyday."

"I know, but that was two days ago!"

"Okay, fine. You're right. I'm fine, thanks. School is stupid and boring like always. Dean is still my boyfriend and is fine. And mom is asleep on the couch. There, you happy?" I said like a smart-ass.

"Ugh, Jess! Come on!" My grandma said, playfully slapping me. "Come in! Aren't you cold? Do you want some food?"

"I'm fine, Grandma. But I can't stay long. I need to get back and get mom some food before she goes to work. Puls I have lots of homework." I said, telling her half of the truth. I don't know, I just wanted to be alone tonight.

"Okay, I got some food ready for you and Jude. It'll last you guys a few days till you go to the store." She said, handing me a few bags. I peaked in the bags and saw some cereal, milk, orange juice, leftover lasagna, and some bacon.

"Thanks, I better be heading back. Mom has work in a little bit." I said, gently laying a kiss on her cheek.

"Okay, hurry back. Call me as soon as you get home, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you. Be careful." She called after me as I left the house.

"I always am!" I yelled back at her as I let a smile cross my face. I always enjoyed visiting my grandma's, she always found a way to make me smile. She had a small house but it was cozy. It was about the same as ours, but way cleaner.

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When I got home, it was already 5:45 and mom would be leaving in 30 minutes for work. She was a bartender at McCarters, not the best job for her because they sometimes gave her free liquor. But it was semi good pay, and we need what we can get. I put the keys back in the bowl and proceeded to wake my mom. "Get up! You got 30 minutes to get ready." I said standing over her.

"Go away, Jet! Five more minutes!" My mom's semi sober/tired voice croaked out.

I held back the tears that threatened to spill. Jet was my brother, my older brother. By like 5 years. He died 6 years ago. I missed him dearly. He helped mom the most since he was so much older. "Jet isn't here, mom. It's me, Jess. Remember?" I said, my voice a little shaky.

"Where is he then? He better get back before it's too late."

"He will." My voice was even more shaky. I didn't have the heart to tell her he was dead. Her drinking got worse after his death. And she refused to believe that he was gone. "Now get up. You don't want to be late to work again, do you?" I said as I left to go to the kitchen and get her some dinner to eat before she left.

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Mom had left about an hour ago and I already had a shower and was laying in my bed in a large T-shirt and long yoga pants. I really hope she doesn't go home with someone again. I hate when she does that. She never tells me, and I'm here worrying if she's dead or not.
Why do I even care? If she just left, my life would be so much better. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone other than myself, and could do as I please. Not that I don't already. But I couldn't imagine her dead. How could I? She is my mother after all, even though I don't like to call her that. It's more like I'm the mom, always taking care of her. God, I can't wait till this is all over.