coping with replacement

coping with replacement dream 1

I soar high, flying with others of my kind, we are birds of different species, some predators, some prey, but we won't hurt them, for they are just like us in their own individual ways, even though we never talk about it, there is a mutual understanding to not bring up each others past, but the reason for that is clear, so we never mention it, but I know that I need to stay near them, though we all occasionally veer of course, soaring, swooping, always diving until just before the ground, than swooping back up, he rush of earth as I hurtle towards it is only matched by the equal thrill as I shoot back into the air at lightning speed, the clouds blur into the blue sky as I increase speed, hurtling upwards as the air begins to thin, than diving back down to rejoin the flock, we all have our own view of whats around s, and it's a very different picture for everyone, with the only constant being each other, we occasionally catch glimpses of each others world, but only for split seconds before we are pulled back to our own reality, we fly on, never stopping, we don't need rest, we need to keep on moving, I stopped moving once to watch, to listen to my surroundings, but I never have since

It was a normal day, or night, I couldn't tell, everything in the sky was grey at the time, but it wasn't stormy, or even cloudy, the sky blue color had just lost it's saturation, it happens sometimes, and every time it does someone stops that day, I just wish it hadn't been me, I came to a fumbling stop upon landing, having been flying for years on end without stop I wasn't exactly an experienced lander, but still, I was there, before a field of grass, the gentle hum of a woman's voice echoed through my world, not just any woman though, I recognized this to be a woman I had known, a woman who had loved me more than any other feathered creature, yet that one day changed, I moved closer and as I did the sound of the humming began to sound slightly angry, as if she didn't want me approaching, but she loved me, surely she'd be happy to see me, right?

I drew nearer, eventually the fields gave view to a house in the distance, I recognized it, and began flying to near the structure sooner, but I fell back to the ground, the soft grass that had been under me a second ago turned to stone on impact, but it didn't hurt, I tried to fly again, but my wings too, had turned to stone, so I was left with no choice but to walk, I heard the faint calling of my flock, in retrospect I realize they were calling me to get away from the house, but I didn't hear their words at the time, as I got closer the distance of each step grew longer, first one step turned the distance of two, than 4, than 8, soon I was covering miles of distance, but the house remained slightly out of reach no matter how far I went, I looked down as I walked now, and very soon had reached the house, I think it was a metaphor for how sometimes even if you only focus on your goal you may still fail to reach it, but if you allow yourself to drift you may end up where you never expected

I touched the doorknob and the door swung open to an empty hallway, pictures of me and the woman lined the walls, I walked down the halls slowly, taking in each picture, slowly the pictures changed to include more of a strange man and the woman instead of just me, but i was still in every picture, as I looked at each an every picture the distance between me and the woman grew larger as she moved closer to the man, until, at the end of the hall there was a door, and on that door there was a final picture, of the man and woman holding a small human smiling down at it, in this picture I was only seen as a shadow, locked in a cage behind the camera while my shadow cast into the wall behind them, you couldn't see it, but I remember that day, and it was my last day of slight happiness for a long time, I opened the door and there they were, the woman who had loved me so, and the man who made it all go away, he looked at me smugly, so did their child, an evil grin pained on a wicked canvas of broken dreams and shattered love, the woman paid no attention to the malicious grin, instead focusing on the small birds around her, their happy chirping and singing creating a beautiful melody with her humming, I moved to wards her and tried to speak, to ask her why she had been so cruel as to replace me, but all that came out was a hoarse cawing

the child reverted to a baby in a crib, who began crying loudly while smiling smugly and pointing at me, the woman stood up, a knife in her hand out of nowhere "now look what you've done you foul beast, you've made my baby cry" she said, raising her blade, she swung at me, the blade sticking into the floor, my wings had suddenly been freed of their stone prison and I took to the air, trying to fly out the window, but it was shut, the woman swung at me but missed again, crashing through the window and falling into the abyss that used to be a field, her cursing towards me continuing, ringing louder in my head as she went further down, suddenly she surrounded me, thousands of her, chanting angrily "now look what you've done, you made the baby cry" as the screaming got louder the walls began to crumble, suddenly there was nothing, I fell through the void, flapping my winds, but it was useless without knowing up from down, until I saw them, the songbirds that had replaced me, they had done nothing wrong, and I held no malice for them, they must have felt that, as the came down and grabbed me, carrying me up, and back to my flock where they joined me, my wings were suddenly broken and fear washed over me, I was not yet free, suddenly the woman appeared around me, all of them holding some form of weapon, but they all called me over sweetly "I'm sorry for how I treated you, come back we can be happy again, just you and me, no husband or child, just my precious little crow"

"a crow, that's what I was, no wonder, I had been stupid t think there was love for me in this world, for such an ugly bird"

"come here my sweetie" the woman called insistently

"NO!" i shouted, breaking free of the songbirds that held me and flying away, leaving them as specs in the white background, I flew faster and faster, eventually catching up to my flock, all of us had something like this in our own world, scars from our past that we wished never existed, our flock defied all logic, while we didn't know the species of each bird it was clear that some weren't supposed to be there, flightless birds could fly here, and solitary birds found haven in a flock, but we all had our own coping methods, some sang roughly, some simply hummed, but some just dealt internally, refusing to stop when the grey abyss called to them, they led us, and today I joined them at the front, cutting air and lessening the burden of the ones who were not past their problems like us, from the very first to pass their issues the flock grew larger, the more at the front, the easier it was for the ones behind to keep going, to thrive despite their past, and for that I am thankful I got the help, and I a thankful to now help others