Exquisite Feelings

Chapter 1

Sitting all alone in my car, I feel lost. But the silent tears didn't bother to fall. I wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand and started the ignition. It was so hard to see my grandmother lying on the bed unconscious in the ICU. She fainted a day before yesterday. The doctor told my father that she had a brain tumor. So they had to perform a surgery to remove it. My father told me about the whole thing and without thinking twice I booked the tickets from New York to Chicago, my homeland. I landed here yesterday night at my mother's house.

I'm very close to my grandmother and it breaks my heart to see her like that. I sighed and turned my attention back on the road. It's a bit windy outside. I rolled my windows down and felt the cold breeze.

I was driving back home, over a bridge, when my phone buzzed with a text message. I stopped at the red light and quickly checked my phone.

Alice
Heyy!! How's your grandmother now? Did you see her?
-10:56 am

I saw her message on my lock screen but didn't reply right away even though Alice is my best friend. Different thoughts are crossing my head and my anger is coming out in the form of tears. Why am I like this?

The lights have turned green so I accelerated my car. And after a few seconds my phone buzzed again.

Alice
Are you alright???
-10:58 am

Alice
Okay, call me or text me back when you feel ok to talk about it.
-10:59 am

I don't think I have the energy to talk to anyone right now. I'll reply to her later.

After a while, I arrived at my mother's house. I parked my car outside. I walked up to the front door and unlocked it. Thank god my mother was at work. I can finally have some alone time. And I don't want her to see me like this. I know she'll be upset.

I'm pretty good at hiding my problems. I don't want other people to pity on me. So I wear this invisible happy mask on my face even though on the inside I'm drowning in an ocean. Why is it so difficult to leave your past in the past? People always say time heals everything but I think it doesn't, you just get accustomed to things. And looking at my lovely grandma in the ICU surrounded by different machines and wires broke my heart. I'll break if anything happens to her. I'm alive because of my mother, grandma and my best friend Alice. These three ladies have helped me tremendously.

I sat on my couch and got immersed in my thoughts. I started thinking everything about my life.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I wanted to ignore it but decided against it.

DAD
Don't worry Hazel, everything's gonna be fine. The doctors just told me that the reports look great. Also, they'll discharge her in a week.
-11:05 am

Looking at the text made me a little happy and I replied back.

Me
That's great!
-11:06 am

My parents divorced when I was 10. I'm their only child. As much as I respect their decision I can't deny the fact that it has affected me a lot mentally. I felt like I was some kind of a bouncing ball, sometimes living with my mother and sometimes with my father. I'm also more close to my mother than my father. He left mom for another woman. And in all this madness grandma was always there for me.

Sometimes I think it's all my fault. If I weren't born then my parents might be living a better version of their lives. It wouldn't be so complicated.

I decided to open the text messages from Alice and replied her.

Me
Sorry...couldn't message you earlier.
And I saw her today. She's still unconscious. Her reports look fine though. Doctors said it'll take about a week for her to recover but she'll be fine.
-11:48 am

Alice
Good to hear that. Take care of yourself dear. Love ya♡♡♡♡
-11:50 am

Me
Love u too♡
-11:51 am

At this point, I'm exhausted both physically and mentally. I tilted my head back resting it on the couch. Soon sleep took over me.

"Hazel.... Hazellll"
"Sweetie, I'm back home."

Well my mother is back from her work. I tried to open my eyes but I'm too tired to do so. I somehow managed to get up. I checked the time and realised how I have been sleeping for almost eight hours straight. 

" Hey Mom" I said in a low voice

"Pizza is in the microwave. I also bought your favourite ice cream flavor " She said enthusiastically trying to cheer me up.

"Thanks Mom. How was your day?" I replied.

"Nothing new. Same old boring work." She looks worn out.

"Mom" 

"Yes" She looked at me with concerned eyes.

I hugged her tightly. It took her by surprise but she instantly hugged me back.

"You wanna talk about it" She said after our long hug.

"Hmm, mum I....." I answered, my voice sounded heavy from all the tears that I shed earlier.

So I told her about everything. We talked about my grandmother, college, old memories etc. We talked a lot and she even managed to make me laugh. And somehow I feel a weight has been lifted off my chest.