California Dreaming [[Muke AU Fanfic]]

Chapter One

My nights consist of blackness or nightmares.

That’s it. I choose to believe I don’t have “dreams” because dreams are pleasant. When you wake up from a dream you feel happy, refreshed.  I never do. I either feel terrified or unimportant.

The blackness just makes me feel empty and irrelevant. Do I not deserve a dream? Is blackness all I deserve? And if it’s not blackness then it’s a nightmare. I can never remember what they’re about and for that I’m thankful but that still doesn’t mean I’m not terrified when I wake up. I always have to make myself feel happy. I tell myself different things every morning, it’s never the same. But that thought is always in the back of my head.

Why can’t I just dream?

Last night was blackness; i guess i should be thankful for that though. I didn’t have to wake up and feel utterly creeped out by something don’t even remember. No, but i feel unimportant and irrelevant. Not sure which i would rather feel.

Okay Luke think. What is your reason to be happy today?

You didn’t get upset that you didn’t finish a song yesterday?

No that one just doesn’t feel right, maybe because i said it last week.

Well, today Michelle said she wanted to hang out, there we go.

I took a quick shower before i got dressed and went down stairs. Mom was in the kitchen cooking as always. She has this thought where everything needs to be a process that is consistent. And that involves cooking eggs and toast for me every day. Then i have to do the dishes. Being an only child has its down sides but it also has some ups too i guess.

Mom and I sat at our appropriate seats at the table. Me with my back against the window, mom sitting across me so she can look out. We also went through the morning talk we have every single day.

"How'd you sleep dear?" Mom asks as she puts a piece of egg on her toast and takes a bite.

"I slept fine I guess."

"Me too"

Mom always seems to be in trance in the morning. Things have to be done a certain way and if they’re not she gets really upset. One time i told her I didn’t want any toast that morning, only eggs. She didn’t even have our three sentence conversation. It doesn’t seem to be much but when you’re used to living a life full of order its weird.

It seems to be that’s how my life has become. Mondays we eat then clean the house. When it’s time for lunch we take a break and eat grilled cheese then we continue. Mom cleans the kitchen and dusts. I vacuum and mop. For dinner we go out to eat because mom doesn’t want to clean the kitchen again.

Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays mom and I eat breakfast together then she drives to work and I’m left to do my own thing. But every Tuesday and Wednesday evening Calum and i sit down to write a song.