Black Wings

4. Down the Rabbit Hole (part 2)

**PREVIOUSLY**

I took a deep breath for patience. Who knew conversing with a voice in your head could be so exhausting? Can you just give me a not creepy name to call you?

There was a really, really long pause in which I shampooed and conditioned my hair with my signature apple scented duo. I would've stayed longer in the serenity of the steamy shower, but my skin resembled a very ripe prune for a while now. I turned off the water and stepped onto my orange striped bath mat when she finally deigned to respond.

"The name given to me at birth was Lilian."

I turned on the hot, calming water again and stepped back into the shower.

**END EXCERPT**

____________________________

 My name is Lilian, I declared. Your name can't be Lilian if my name is Lilian.

I swear I heard her sigh in my head. "What do you want, Child?"

So she wanted to ignore the topic of names? Fine by me. I want answers. What happened back there? Was there an earthquake? A- a bomb?

"No."

What happened, then?

"There are many things you do not know about yourself, or me. You are not yet ready for answers."

What?! What the heck do you mean 'I'm not ready'?! Tell me what happened!

"Still, you delude yourself with notions that you are mentally impaired. You know full well that everything in your life that has transpired is as real as I. You refuse to face the truth. You are not ready."

I stared at the water trickling down the drain, refusing to respond. She was right. I was in major denial. It was safer for me to think I was crazy. I didn't want to believe that I'd actually killed a man, or that legitimate angels existed, or that my Voice was actually a real human trapped in my body.

"Not human, and not your body. I am greater than you will ever be, Parasite. I am the Wraith Queen."

Parasite. Was that what I really was? No. It was safer to think I was crazy. I was definitely crazy. I was just hallucinating everything.

"I will never understand your puny human mind. You know the truth, and yet you lie to yourself. Pathetic."

I ignored my annoying auditory hallucination and shivered, realizing that the water had run cold while I was ruminating in my thoughts. I quickly dried off and changed into my classic biker chick clothes. Then I realized that I was on the precipice of a highly unstable emotional cliff, and I replaced the black and leather with fluffy pink pajama pants and a yellow top with flapping Tweety Birds on it. Yes, I definitely felt better now. All that was missing was some chocolate and a stiff hug from my brother, but both were noticeably absent.

When I finally felt like I wouldn't devolve into unintelligible screaming, I curled up into my fluffy yellow blanket and dialed Kate. I didn't think the call even had time to go through yet when she picked up.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!"

"I-"

"I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR ONE GODDAMN LUNCH PERIOD AND YOU BLEW UP MCDONALD'S?!"

"How-"

"I CALLED YOU ELEVEN TIMES AND YOU DIDN'T PICK UP! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLOODY DEAD!"

"I'm sor-"