Fallen Alpha

-12- 🥀 The Way It Feels

"Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels. I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills. And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf, no farewell."
~Ed Sheeran, 'Save Myself'

~~~

*Easton's POV*

I thought I was getting better.

The voice... it had been really quiet lately. Being around Landon has brought nothing but light into my life, driving out all the dark thoughts brought on by the voice. I thought— no, I was getting better.

So, why...?

'Pathetic piece of shit.'

"Stop," I murmur, covering my ears with my hands.

'You're so fucking stupid. What kind of Alpha can't solve this kind of problem?'

"It's not my fault," I grit through my teeth. "Our financial situation was fucked up before I took over."

'Are you really going to blame the people who raised you? They could've abandoned you on the streets as a pup. In fact, that's what they should've done. Instead of raising an ungrateful cunt like you.'

'Easton,' Elias whimpers in my head. Mentally cursing, I slam down a mental barrier to block Elias out. I've been slipping lately; forgetting to block my wolf out when the voice is present.

He doesn't need to know how weak I'm becoming.

No one needs to know.

No one needs to see how pathetic their Alpha is.

Taking a deep breath, I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to calm down. The voice came back a few days ago. Within the months that followed me and Landon completing the mating process, I had felt more at peace than I ever did in my life thus far. I was— I am happy. My family has welcomed Landon into our home with open arms. Not that they had much of a choice, because if anyone disrespects my mate, banishment would be the least harsh punishment I could give them.

When the voice came back, it caught me off guard. What changed? Why would the voice come back now, when I'm finally happy? Maybe... maybe that's why. Maybe it's back because I'm happy, and it doesn't want me to be anything but miserable. I hate this. I hate the way it feels whenever the voice comes back, tearing me down over and over.

Stop it. The voice isn't real. It's only a hallucination based off my own insecurities.

'Am I?' The voice sneers. 'Or maybe you're a fucking psycho who hears voices. How do you think everyone would feel if they knew? If they knew their leader was crazy. Unstable. Unfit to lead. The entire pack would fall apart and you know it.'

"Stop!" I growl, gripping the edge of my desk so tight that the wood begins to splinter.

'Your parents would be ashamed. Your poor mother would weep. Your father would be so disappointed. Leon would stop looking up to you. And Landon—'

"Don't," I beg through my teeth, barely holding on.

'Landon would be sickened that he ever loved a mental patient.'

"I said STOP!"

The wood cracks beneath my hands as I release a pained roar, ripping the edge of the desk and hurling it across the room. The stake of wood slams against the wall, smashing into a few picture frames and causing shards of shattered glass to tumble to the ground.

My chest heaves up and down as I stare at the mess across my office. Another low growl rumbles in my throat with the burning wish for the voice to manifest itself so I can plunge one of those shards of glass into his throat, silencing his taunting forever.