“Zayn?” I heard Louis’ voice behind me. “Are you alright?”
I wanted to shake my head, and tell him no. I wanted to tell him how fucked up things were. I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him I was so in love with him. But how do you tell your best friend that? You don’t.
“Yeah, Lou, I’m fine.” I said.
“Liar.” He said. He came up and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me. I used to love how close we all were, how we could do things like this. But since I started feeling things for Louis, I started hating it. Every time he touched me, my body was on fire and I wanted more. “Please tell me, Zayn?” He asked softly in my ear.
I shook my head, trying not to let him see the sadness in my eyes. It was so hard for me to hide my emotions, because I just always felt so deeply, about everything. And I was really sensitive. I wanted to put my hands on Louis’ and have him kiss my neck, and have him love me. But if I said anything, it would risk too much,
“Dammit, Zayn, what the hell are you hiding from me? We tell each other everything!” He said, frustrated.
“Sorry, Lou, I just can’t tell you this.” I said.
“Why not?” He pressed.
I shook my head, not really having an answer, and I walked from the balcony back into my house. Everyone else had left, so it was just Louis and I.
“Zayn!” He yelled, as he followed me back inside. “Listen to me!” He said, as he grabbed my wrist and turned me around to face him. “For weeks, months, even, you haven’t been acting like yourself! Nobody else noticed, because you’re really good at making sure people don’t worry about you, but I noticed. You don’t smile as much, and when you do, its fake. I want my Zayn back. Please, tell me what’s going on. I don’t give a shit about whatever the hell it is, just tell me.”
I closed my eyes, trying to think of what to say. I opened my mouth to tell him a lie, but something else I had been wondering came out. “Louis, why don’t you date anymore?”
“What?” He asked, confused.
“Just answer the damn question.” I said.
“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” He said defensively.
“Please? Just answer it.” I said again.
“Because I’m not going to date anyone when I’m already in love with someone.” He whispered, and he looked at the ground.
My heart dropped into my stomach. So there was someone. Part of me hoped, that maybe- forget it.
“Zayn?” He asked. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Because that’s my problem. I’m in love with someone too. And they don’t love me, and it kills me, every day.” I said.
“Who?” He asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” I said.
“How do you know she doesn’t love you?” Louis asked.
I took a deep breath. “It’s not a she.” I looked at him worried he would judge me, but he didn’t. He looked…happy?
“Zayn, who is he?” He asked again.
“It doesn’t matter, Louis, he’s in love with someone else.” I said.
“How do you know?” He pressed the subject.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t lie and hide my feelings any longer. “Because he just told me.” I said, not able to look at him. I just ruined our friendship, and our jobs, and I made everything weird.
