The Betrothed (Transgender-Series)

TB-7

Hindi natin mamalayan na ang oras ay mabilis na tumatakbo.  Para bang sa isang kisapmata ang oras ay nagbabago.  Unti-unti tayong makakaramdam ng saya hanggang sa maghilom ang sugat ng kahapon.  Satingin ko, unti-unti ng bumabalik ang mga ngiti sa aking labi.

Hindi man gano'n kabilis ang pagtanggap sa mga pangyayari na hindi natin gusto ay unti-unti nating matutunan tanggapin na nagyari na ang mga bagay na 'yon.  Kailangan lang natin panatilihin ang lakas ng loob sa ating sarili. Akala ko noong mawala ang mama ko ay hindi ko na matutunan pang ngumiti.  Oo, masakit, sobrang sakit... Pero hindi naman niya gusto na manatili tayong nakasadlak sa kalungkutan.  Alam ko,  na ayaw ng mama ko na manatili ang galit, lungkot at sakit sa puso at pagkatao ko.

Simula ng nagkaayos kami ni Daddy ay mas naging matibay ang pag sasamahan namin.  Kay Melissa? Hindi ko man siya lubos na matanggap bilang parte ng pamilya ay unti-unti ko na siyang kinikilala pero gaya nga ng sabi ko isa lang ang mommy ko, kahit wala na siya ay mananatili siya sa puso ko.

When my Dad, celebrated his birthday last month we stayed on our private resort abroad. We went to different places for a week together with Melissa and her baby. It was an amazing escapade since school has been busy since then. But when I cameback in school, projects, activities and etc.  kills me.  Just kiddin'! Clint help me alot when I came back, he became my tutor for a week,  he insist it!

Clint and I became best of friends.  We got closer with each other.  We help each other to surpass our weaknesses. He's my boy bestfriend! We became closer since we are partner in our Projects. I became closer also to his fam especially with his brother, Kiko.  I treat Kiko as my little brother even I have one...

Things are far different since then,  I became open to my friends. I'm like 'hurt them and I'll hurt you more!'. Yes,  I became protective to them since they are protective on me also.  Aika... she's nice...  But sometimes she acts so weird. Napansin din 'yon nila Bell,  when Clint's around, she really acts different...

But I just ignored it.  We're starting to dream together... Foreseeing the future we wanted to have.  At the moment, Clint and I, we're more than friends,  I guess.  No commitment but I know that we're more than friends...  I'm happy and comfortable when I'm with him and he feels the same way towards me.

We never talk about our feelings for each other but we're on the 'getting-to-know stage'.  Yes,  I like him, I really do.  But we don't hurry things at the moment. And I like it this way.

I started taking HRT two months ago after I had my check up on my personal Endocrinologist. Dra. Stephanie Buztamante,  a transwoman, she specialized in helping transwoman to have the body they wanted to have.  She's young and pretty,  and I admire for her passiom in working.  She's indeed commited in her work.

My body slowly developed a small breast. My skin became more satin soft and some changes are occuring since then.  But sometimes I feel breast tenderness, nausea and leg cramps, but as for Dra. Hillton. It's normal. Though it would take time to see the full result of HRT,  I'm still happy that step by step, my body, is becoming a woman's.

The satisfaction that I'm feeling right now is beyond happiness. Yeah, as my body feels more correct I became more confident and strong-willed. Every transgender would tell you the same thing.  We're like, we're mistakenly put in a wrong body of a boy.  But it doesn't matter anymore since I'm now starting my transition. I know it would take a lot of courage, patience and willingness but I love to do it.  My body, my say! I'm a woman and will always be!

Moodswings attacks me sometimes but Clint is a great help, he really is! I began pinching his cheeks whenever I feel that way. But he never complains. Yah! He is that good! But when feel Aika is flirting with him sometimes,  but knowing him as a good man,  he never did anything about it, and it makes my bloodboil to another level.

What could I do? We don't have any label just a Mutual understanding! And cut that! He never ask me anyway to be his girlfriend and that sucks!

"Bess,  let's go... Andiyan na sila..." Bell said on the other side of the door.  We had a sleep over last night on the Mansion but girls only. Today is the first day of our semester break,  on the third week of October. Bryan wanted to spend vacay with Bell and Bell wated to spend vacay with us,  so we decided to go on this trip. Bryan and Nathan is busy with their On the Job training so they are happy that we're having this one.

Habang naglalakad papunta sa Van na gagamitin namin papunta sa Private Resort nila Bell sa Batangas ay biglang lumabas sa Van ang mga boys at kinuha ang mga gamit namin.  Errr! Karl help alex with his things,  Bryan help Bell with her things and Clint help me.  I told you!  We don't have a label!  But we're like this!  Iwas lang sa paasa!

We're using Bryan's family Van for this trip. Here go Batangas... It's our first trip together since the school year started.

"Guys... Aika is going with us with his brother..." Bell said suddenly... Okay lang... Sana maging okay lang ang lahat. Tumango naman ang lahat dahil okay naman sa kanila si Aika,  pero sa'kin minsan oo minsa hindi... Errr...

"She will be following the Van... She's with his older brother na kaibigan namin..." saad ni Bryan....

Yeah. His older brother is a close friend of Byran and Nathan... Errr.

I sit with Clint on my left and Nathan on my right we're on the second row. Awkward. Bryan is sitting with bell on the front. While Alex is sitting with the twins at the third row. Carl is just listening on music while reading books. Habang nagaasaran naman ang dalawa niyang katabi. Since I'm a little sleepy ay nilagay ko sa leeg ang cute kong pillow head. It's Hello Kitty! Nagulat ako ng biglang nilagay ni Clint ang isang pair ng earphone niya sa'kin.

"Kung tayo ay matanda na
Sana'y di tayo magbago
Kailan man
Nasaan ma'y ito ang pangarap ko."

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya. Mahinang sumasabay siya sa kanta at sa tingin ko ako lang ang nakakarinig para bang kami na lang ngayon ang nasa loob ng Van habang nakikinig sa kantang pinapakinggan namin.  Weird... There's something on my stomach! Butterflies! Parang buong zoo na nga ata.

"Makuha mo pa kayang
Ako'y hagkan at yakapin, ooh
Hanggang pagtanda natin
Nagtatanong lang sa iyo."

I feel my heart it's pounding fast while looking on his side view.  Yung makapal niyang kilay, yung matangos niyang ilong,  iyong perfect jaw line niya,  he's just so special!

"Ako pa kaya'y ibigin mo
Kung maputi na ang buhok ko?"

Sa sumunod na linya ay tumingin siya sa'kin . Omo!  Parang kami lang ang nasa loob ng van.

"Pagdating ng araw
Ang 'yong buhok
Ay puputi na rin
Sabay tayong mangangarap
Ng nakaraan sa 'tin"

Medyo lumapit siya sa'king inuupuan at isinandal niya ang ulo ko sa ulo niya.  Omo! My heart! Ba't ka ganiyan Clint! Bakit? It's killing me! It's making me nervous.

"Ang nakalipas ay ibabalik natin, ooh
Ipapaalala ko sa 'yo
Ang aking pangako
Na ang pag-ibig ko'y laging sa 'yo
Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko"

On the last part of the song... I just close my eyes and feel the breeze.  The ambiance it's refreshing and cooling! I wish na humaba pa ang oras na ganito lang kami. I wish that this happiness that I'm feeling right now, would last forever...  I pray and I wish...

That feeling,  the connection you are feeling for someone... The connection na hindi mi kailangag madaliin. I like how are we right now... We're learning the flaws about each other without any commitments. Siguro the best way to build a foundation with someone it must start with respect and communication... 'Yong alam niyo parehas na lahat ng steps na dinaadanan niyo parehas ay sigurado.

We didn't try it on fast mode...  We wanted to be sure about everything... I mean, I'm a transwoman, I'm not like any other girls.  But one thing for sure about him,  he sees me as a woman.  He respects me as a woman.  Sa halos ilang buwan na magkasama kami,  napaka marespeto niyang tao.  Lalo na sa magulang niya at sa mama niya.  He's! I just love how our relationship is going...

I felt him caressing my hair with his hands softly, I just close my eyes peacefully. I suddenly wanted to sleep,  I feel safe and protected with my head laying on his shoulder... I'm falling deeply in to this man beside me.