we'll never go out of style | chanrosé one shots

Without You: 2/2

"Somehow, there is a sense of comfort in knowing nothing will ever hit me quite as hard again. Nothing will ever be as beautiful, but neither will anything hurt as much."

― Lang Leav, Sea of Strangers.

***

"Rise and shine, my dear Channie!" I was woken up with Jackson's loud mouth followed by my curtains being opened, "Today's the day you're making the biggest mistake of your life!" he sang as a joke.

He didn't lie though.

I groaned and threw him a pillow as I went under one, trying to shut him out. He plopped down beside me and cooed, "Mr. Ex Park Husbaaaand"

"The only thing I regret is making you my lawyer," I said through my gritted teeth.

He gasped and cruched his heart, I laughed at his dramatic ass and got out of bed. I felt heavy, not because of how much I drank from last night while I read through the draft of our divorce papers, it was much heavier than a fucking hangover, this one made me feel like I was out of breath. As if a part of me was being taken...

Each step I took I feel like sighing, I felt like crying but at the same time I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. How did we get here, how did I let it happen? How could I possibly be this stupid not to notice.

Every corner of my apartment had traces of her, the kitchen where we spent most of our time laughing and planning, the couch where I'd watch her talk about me in her sleep and pepper with the kisses she loved so much, the bed where we spent days and nights wrapped in between the sheets, and the doors that slammed between our happiest hellos and saddest goodbyes. To me it was only a space, something temporary but she made this home.

Because she is home, my home; my best friend, my toughest critic, my light, my wife.

"I can't do it Jackson," I sighed, holding back the tears that will soon fall around my eyes.

"Dude, I know its hard. And I'm sorry you had to hear this but she's set in her decision, you gotta keep it together" Leave it to Jackson to console me, I managed to chuckle as I hear my own heart break. If only it was that easy.

***

"Let go of the ice cream! ROSIE!!" Nayeon said as she pulled at the Ben & Jerry's pint that was in my hands, "It's 8 in the morning why are you carb loading?!"

"I'm gonna grow old, fat and alone anyway! Might as well start now..." I pouted.

"You can't mope around when it's your fault why you're here in this predicament in the first place," She placed her hands on her hips and used her lawyer voice while giving me an i-told-you-so look.

I groaned and burried my head onto my pillow, "How is it my fault, he was the one who..." the next came out gibberish and Nayeon had enough so she smacked my butt real hard and pulled me up by my arms.

"Quit acting like a child Rosie, if there's even a small part of you that says you should go through with this... You need to speak up now because it will save you both a lot of time." Her look softened when she noticed I was about to cry, "I know you two, I saw how it started and how it's ending and I know you guys don't want to break this marriage off..."

"I'm so tired," I sighed heavily, "I didn't even feel it happening until we're already there, one day it was smooth sailing and the next we were at eachother's throats"