no questions asked | ethma

12

A/N: song of the chapter—Slow Burn by Kacey Musgraves
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Ethan

I felt like such an idiot.

I knew Emma wasn't ready for anything I wanted to give her. I knew she wasn't.

You'd be surprised. I was actually glad Emma stopped us from going too far. It wasn't what either of us needed. I'm not saying I wasn't needing her, but the last thing I would do to someone is pressure them into doing something they weren't comfortable with.

Emma simply wasn't ready for it, and I'm glad she didn't pressure herself into doing anything she truly didn't feel like doing. It never feels good in that way anyway.

Emma and I spent a lot of time together in the next two weeks. Simply getting used to acting like a 'couple'. Watching tv and cuddling. Getting to know the important things about each other, and figuring out answers to questions that inevitably would be asked. How long we've 'been together', and questions like that.

I even took Emma to a hockey game in the city so that we could have a 'first date'. It was actually really fun, and I simply was enjoying hanging out with her.

I've never fallen for someone in this way before. In the past I was so focused on burying myself between every girl's legs, that I never saw someone for who they are. Emma made me want to learn more. I wanted to know everything about Emma. Not just her body.

Emma is seriously the most understanding person I've ever met. I think that's why it was so easy for me to be so open and honest with her.

I haven't cared about how someone else feels in a long time. But somehow I found myself caring about Emma's feelings more than anything. It broke my heart whenever she was sad. But when she laughed or smiled, I felt like I was on top of the world.

Obviously for our 'relationship' to be believable, we needed to get used to things like random hugs, or simple things like pulling each other closer, or my hand resting on her shoulder or the small of her back. Nothing too crazy, just learning the rhythm of the routine.

Two days before we had to leave, I was sitting on Emma's bed while she packed for the trip to Boston.

"Which one?" She asked, holding two dresses up. One was light blue and matched her eyes beautifully, and the other one was a dark red. Burgundy almost.

They were both beautiful dresses, and I can only imagine that Emma would look astonishing in both of them, but the blue one brought out the brightness of her eyes, so I chose that one.

Emma hung the other dress in her closet before digging out her garment bag, and putting the blue dress inside.

She grabbed silver strapped heels to match, and put them in her suitcase. Before she turned to face me. "Do you have a matching shirt, or a tie?"

I stood up, gesturing to the door with my head. "Come on. Let's go look through my closet."

A few minutes later, I was sitting at my desk chair while Emma was looking through my drawer full of ties.

"Ethan, you need to organize this. I just found a box of condoms in your tie drawer."

"Hey, you never know when you're gonna need 'em. Pack those too."

Emma rolled her eyes and threw the box at me. "Here. Take 'em."

I winked at her before picking up the pack and putting them in my pocket. "Thanks. I mean you're welcome. It's kind of for you own good."

Emma and I throw jokes like this at each other all the time. It's funny to both of us, and honestly it was a subtle way of flirting.

She finally found a light blue tie that matched her dress, so she put it in my suitcase. Then she walked over to my closet, finding a black button down, and some black dress pants. "Did you pack shoes yet?"

"Yeah. Black dress shoes."

"Perfect. You're all set."

I got up from my chair, walked over to my closet and grabbed another shirt and pants. "These too. I'm taking you to a club on Friday night. Boston style." I said, letting my Massachusetts accent slip out a little. Emma giggled at me.

"I keep forgetting you're from Boston." She said, her New York accent becoming more obvious. "You're probably a Red Sox fan."

"Damn, you probably like the Yanks."

"I'm from New York, what did you expect?"

"You'll be a Sox fan someday." I said. As soon as I said that I realized that I really did want to commit to Emma. If she would let me.

She glanced at me, seeming to read my mind without saying anything.

"House divided." She joked.

For the first time in my life I pictured living in a house somewhere a little while away from any cities.

The whole white picket fence idea that every American seems to dream about.

A big backyard, a beautiful home. For the first time I imagined living that kind of life. And I only could imagine it with Emma being there.

Two kids and a dog. Before I met Emma, I mean before I really came friends with her, I never would've wanted something like that. Hell, I never even thought about it once. But with Emma standing across the room from me, suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

We had already eaten dinner, but Emma still wanted my help packing her suitcase, so I went back to her place and helped her pick an outfit for the club, then she packed some casual clothes for the rest of the weekend.

That night Emma walked me out when it was time for me to go home, and I swear that there was a different look in her eyes than I've ever seen before. The look that told me maybe we'd be something someday.

I swear we were about to kiss, but I didn't feel like it was the right time yet. I wanted to kiss her more than anything, but I felt like it didn't make sense in that moment. Don't know why, but it just didn't.

When I got home I showered and put some sweats on before I climbed into bed. I turned the tv on, but all I could think about was Grayson. I missed him.

So, I turned the tv back off, and then I laid there and just poured out my feelings. I knew that Grayson was listening. So, I told him everything. All about Emma, all about everything going on in my life. I felt Grayson's presence with me. Like he was in the room.

Suddenly Emma invaded my thoughts again. It occurred to me that Grayson sent Emma my way. Emma was the first person that ever understood me as much as Grayson did.

It all made so much sense. It was like Emma showed up right when I was needing Grayson the most. And she was the only person I knew that could fill the empty void in my heart.

I knew this weekend was gonna be a little bit more than hypothetical for Emma and I. It already felt way too real for me. Even if Emma didn't realize that.