A small piece of cotton; seemingly so small it could have been torn off the end of a handkerchief- shred in two beneath her fingertips and wrapped carefully around the small, sleeping child.
Her baby boy. Her whole world somehow managed to fit into her cradling arms, tucked into a tiny piece of baby-blue cotton.
She circled the one-room apartment, rocking him ever so slightly, one arm leant over him to stoke a finger over his soft, pink cheeks. His tiny thin lips parted slightly to let out soft sighs as he slept.
How can something so small seem to consume the entirety of someone else's whole life? How can something so small be so big at the same time?
She sat down on the worn couch, the centre (and only) piece of furniture in the whole apartment- everything else taken by bailiffs who didn't seem to notice her; didn't seem to realise that she has no idea what she's going to do. They only saw the money she could no longer pay.
But it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered.
She held him closer to her chest, a sigh of relief and uncertainty in the same breath; whispering reassuring words over and over. To him, to herself- to everyone else who told her to pick herself up, take responsibility for herself and the life she now has to dedicate her's to.
Couldn't they see? That's exactly what she was doing.
A sharp knock at the door had her instantly on edge- had her holding onto her baby ever so slightly tighter, her fingers curling around the cloth protectively- curled around her lifeline and destruction all at the same time.
"Katie? You okay...?"
She squeezed her eyes shut and willed for the voice on the other side of the door to go away.
Not him. Not today. Just leave me alone.
"Kate?? I'm coming in."
She edged back slightly in her seat as she heard the click of the key in the door's lock.
Cursing at the fact that she forgot to take that key back from him, she watched as the man walked though the chipped door frame; scanning the apartment until his eyes landed on her.
He sighed, pulling off his leather jacket and placing it over the arm of the couch before standing in front of her.
"Katie... come on. I thought we talked about this."
She remained silent, her arms held protectively around the baby in her lap, keeping her eyes from meeting his persistent gaze. Those crystal blue eyes burn into her with his own twisted concern.
Go away. Please just go away.
He crouched down in front of her, eager to meet her gaze- eager to get through to her.
"We can't avoid talking about it forever-"
"Theres nothing to say."
She cut him off abruptly, desperate to brush him off; to be alone with her thoughts- with her baby
"Kate, look at you- at this..." he gestures around the apartment; around the cramped little room with the cot talking up most of the space, along with the couch which stood on its last legs in the centre of the room.
She followed his gesture with her eyes timidly- it suddenly hitting her how cramped her apartment really is, but also how empty it is at the same time.
"You can't go on like this."
"I'm not your responsibility anymore. I don't need, nor want, your help. Please just go"
